Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: April 2009

  • Sara’s Gone

    Sara from Moving Right Along is gone. Sara almost made you want an artifical leg, just so you could use her helpful tips to avoid “socket farts.” She put water-absorbing body parts in jars and took unflattering photos of herself. And if I ever do lose a leg or get cancer or, fuck it all,…

  • Proof They Have Computer Access in Heaven

    I was avoiding Mom’s taxes because Turbo Tax would ask if the person these taxes were for was deceased. This is the screen you get after you click “Yes.”

  • Things I Learned At My In-Laws

    My brother-in-law can booty-pop like Beyonce. If you apply for a job working with physicians and the ad says “Master’s Degree required,” don’t believe it, because, “You don’t need no Master’s degree to work with no doctors.” Be sure to say you are “working on” your Master’s degree. Kinoki Foot Pads are a great gift.…

  • Big Red G

    …has a CD on iTunes. I work with guy on the right. Gary astonished me – he went, he drank, he listened, he liked, he stayed till last call. So, no higher praise for Big Red G. I liked it too, but I was inclined.

  • Lookit

    Look, it’s Christy of CasaChristy and Rachel from the cruise and they got me a SKULL which has a hinged jaw what could be better? All because I came and ate pizza with them and mentioned my labia at least twice.

  • The Future

    What I’m Looking Forward To A friend’s band, Big Red G, is having a CD release party and playing at Ten-Mile this weekend. All-American Rejects concert. LobSlau next weekend (moved back to the actual anniversary to violate of the Laws of Moses). Billy Joel / Elton John concert. Coldplay concert. (Woo! Thanks .75) The market…

  • Just Not Myself

    If anyone ever asked after my mom’s health, Mom would reply, “Just my normal abnormal.” She hadn’t been normal since she was 13 and got polio, so she couldn’t say “I’m fine.” For a while she changed it to “Status quo,” but “normal abnormal” sounded less pitiful. Evidently I’m normal abnormal myself, just mentally, not…