Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: April 2009

  • When An E-Mail Just Isn’t Shallow Enough

    Mom once showed me an article on the stages of a gardener: year one: annuals, year two: bulbs, year three: roses, year four: perennials, and so on. There must be similar stages of Facebook. I am now in the stalking old boyfriends stage. I know all of you went through this two years ago, but…

  • 100 Days of LLLUUUURRRRVE

    “I want to thank the American people for their support and their patience during these trying times. I look forward to working with you in the next hundred days, in the hundred days after that, all of the hundreds of days to follow to make sure that this country is what it can be.” That…

  • UPDATED: A “House” Diagnostic Puzzle for You All

    You are on Dr. House’s team. Patient: Ellen S_______ presents as an overweight Caucasian white female complaining of: diarrhea nausea vomiting One of you (probably the bi-sexual one, you know who you are), asks: “Swine flu? Does she have a cough?” Patient wheezes, “I coughed once today at a big meeting, and it was so…

  • Conversations with Gary

    I. “Eleven cymbals” he said suddenly. “Huh?” I asked. “You said I have NINE cymbals. I have eleven. Eleven that I’ve mounted, anyway.” “When did I say that?” “On the blog.” So, correction: Gary has eleven cymbals. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused. II. I was in bed this morning. Gary was…

  • Reviewer Review

    This is not a comment on the-former-lead-singer-of-BNL, but rather on a theater reviewer who wrote an article about him. I’m not using the actual name of the-former-lead-singer-of-BNL, because Spunky Labia, International Toe Porn Superstar, is a competitive bitch and she wants to stay at the top of the Ligit searches. One of the things I…

  • More cowbell

  • Spunky welcomes summer

  • Wild Animals at Night

    I let the dog out last night at 2:30 am, and while I was lounging at the open door I heard a neighbor bellow, “Get IN there!” Now, I’ve heard neighbors fight before. (My favorite line so far has been, “Me! Those magazines have nothing to do with you! It’s about ME!”) This neighbor guy…

  • Facebook versus my Self-Esteem

    It began with this: I rolled my eyes. “So, Facebook, you have my age and you assume I am wrinkled.” As we know, obese don’t crease, and I never tanned or even went outdoors, so I let this roll right off of me. Facebook said: “I like her glasses,” I told Facebook. “Is that Julia…

  • Things That Make You Say “I’m done.”

    All of the following will make me turn on my heel and give no further consideration. I will stop reading, stop watching, put it aside, move on. Chase scenes Non-fat Drop D tuning Tumble-dry low, press with a warm iron Stayed tuned for a new music video from Fat Grams: 30 Starring Adam Sandler Topped…