Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: March 2009

  • I Have An Old Dog Who Loves Me – Guess Where This is Going

    So, crack detectives, put these facts together. My Dog is over 10. He is fed a daily diet of Minute Rice, Bob Evans Turkey in Gravy, and Paws Kibble, except he hoards the Kibble for later. His favorite place is on top of my head. Scared? Climbs on my head. Lonely? Climbs on my head.…

  • Fathers

    Gary’s Father If I’m not around, Gary visits alone with his father, Ken, at the Hip Rehab Center (…makes it sound like Promises, in Malibu). And it would seem Gary’s father casually drops into conversation little tidbits of information about his past, and then Gary repeats those tidbits in an incredulous voice. Gary repeats these…

  • Lobster Slaughter GNO Is 4/10/09

    Now Officially Wrong in 2 Religions Not shown: Chocolate Cake and Porch Wine for Elijah.

  • Et tu, Walmart?

    Does the religious right have something to say about this? UPDATE: Oh, good, they do: “‘All of this falls in the category of the coarsening of the culture that does concern us tremendously,’ said Charmaine Yoest, a spokeswoman for the Family Research Council, a conservative group whose causes include the push to adopt more stringent…

  • Lobster Slaughter GNO

    Date: April 3 (because otherwise it’s Good Friday AND Passover, and while I should eat seafood, Marcia fears her G-d might rain frogs on her.) I’ll have lobster bisque on the 10th, Mom loved that. Food: Recently deceased lobsters Beverages: Drawn butter Activities: Lobster Races. Last place swims first. Also, Lobster Gladiators. Perhaps a short…

  • About Done With Twitter

    So, here’s my brief foray into twitter. I’m about done with it. And no, that isn’t my screen name. You have to read from the bottom to top to get the true existential nature of the twitter. Twitter will just break your heart.

  • Mock Lobster

    Wilma hasn’t been visiting her husband Ken much as while he rehabs his hip. “He’s in a rest home. I just can’t stand those places. It would be too much for me.” Karen, on the other hand, visits sunup to sundown. The family begs her to stay away since she has bronchitis. “I can’t help…

  • What Color Is Your Conditioner

    I have tried to shampoo my hair with conditioner the last three showers. I caught myself this last time, and in response to the cursing, Gary asked, “Why do you keep thinking there’s shampoo in that bottle? It’s obviously conditioner. It’s a white bottle.” “What are you talking about?” “Conditioner. It always comes in a…

  • So THAT’S What People Mean by TMI

    You know, and I’m sure you do know, that I’ve never really understood what people mean by “Too Much Information.” I am always on the hunt for information. How can you have too much? I know someone who knows someone who had a prolapsed uterus, and I take comfort that someday when I get a…