Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: February 2009

  • Oo-oo I Feel Like Making Love, Too Yooou

    About fifteen years ago I was having a conversation with my doctor about my weekly bladder infection, and the conversation turned into this: “And when was the last time you made love to your husband?” he asked. “Um … we had sex two nights ago.” “And did you drink water before and after you made…

  • On the Bright Side, I’m Sure My Autographed Crocs Have Doubled in Value

    Hey, you in the Feed Reader, we’re all in full mourning out here. Steven Page has left BNL to pursue a solo career. I am morose. I am morose because I strongly suspect he will begin his solo career by banging his 27 year old girlfriend. I understand that touring is a relationship-killer, and the…

  • Me, on a Boat, Being a Moron.

    At first glance this may look at like a simple video of Boothby Graffoe performing his modern classic, “Kittens in a Bag.” If you listen until 1:03 minutes in, after Boothby expresees pleasure that we cheered the introduction of “Kittens in a Bag,” you will get to hear me be an idiot. Still, people laughed,…

  • Cupcake Whine

    I call shenanigans on Cupcake Wine. Gary spotted it first. I ran up to the display first. “Eeeee! A wine that tastes like cupcakes!” Then we grabbed the Merlot and the Chardonnay. The label said some lying lies about how it was a sweet wine with a distinct creamy vanilla taste, overtones of citrus, with…

  • Cuisine dePaul

    Now that the Hip Crisis is now the Hip Problem, I can complain. And in typical egocentric fashion, I am here today to complain about how Ken’s horrible hip problem affects my belly. I have been required to eat my last few meals at the DePaul Hospital cafeteria. Here are the entree selections in the…

  • Shush up Already! People!

  • Why Bad Things Happen

    Update – Ken is out and fine-only crazy cranky! ========================== Maybe bad things happen to us so we know how to behave when bad things happen to others. Gary’s Dad broke his hip yesterday. Karen was at the hospital every minute because she felt so comforted when her husband stayed with her in the hospital.…

  • Slice of Life

    10:00 pm. Sitting next to Gary watching tv. 10:01. I get up and go to the bathroom. 10:04. “Ellen! Where did you go? What are you doing in there?” He didn’t hear any comforting noises, I imagine. “I am in the BATHROOM!” In my family you didn’t talk to people in the bathroom. I have…

  • Target

    I’ve been going to Target for a long time. Not as long as Target’s been around; it’s been around since I was born: 1962. I went to Target when there were two non-Kmart discount stores: Venture and Target, and they were essentially the same. This is my Target: I went to Target when Mom called…

  • Liner Notes

    I just came back from a cruise, a wonderful cruise. I’ll try to sum up what I liked so much about it. I started every day with Eggs Benedict, just like they do in heaven, spent every day watching some member of Paul McCartney’s favorite band (click that link, ya haters), and ended every day…