I wasn’t there, but Gary went to the mall. He reports that he came out of the mall (more than a little dismayed anyway at his new larger pants size) and found someone had parked too close to his car.
The way he describes it, this white van with black-tinted windows was so close to his driver’s-side door he knew it would be a tight squeeze.
I would have popped in the passenger door myself and clambered over the parking brake, because who the hell would get close to a van with black-tinted windows? Did it have a license plate that said “ZODYAK?”
Instead, Gary took a moment to back up in disbelief and roar “ASSHOLE!” Then he marched around the van, waving his arms and announcing to the empty parking lot “WHAT TYPE OF ASSHOLE PARKS THIS WAY?” Then he marched back to his car, pried himself into the five inch opening his car door made, slammed the door shut and said “asshole!” again in disgust.
As he drove off the headlights of the van lit up. Gary has been crowing all night about how the asshole was probably cowering in fear, afraid to confront him.
9 responses to “Gary Rants at a Van”
Or, he got out of there by the skin of his teeth. Has the man watched NO television? Does he not know what it means when the headlights are switched on, on a vehicle with black windows? Sigh. Bless the poor sweet innocent.
Oooh, especially a white van. Creepy!
I think I saw that van parked down by the river!
The other day I was backing out of my parking stall at my local grocery store that carries the best produce, (hence, where the Latinos shop. American shoppers suck at produce) and there was a car waiting for my spot. At the moment I started backing out there was a small import car come ZIPPING up the WRONG side of the aisle and I could have easily hit him. I backed out after he zipped by, cussing softly under my breath, and proceeded up the aisle. At that moment I see the ASSHOLE pulling into the last remaining handicap spot. I stop behind the small import car and look to see if they have permanent plates or the temporary hang tag to park there. THEY HAD NEITHER! I got so pissed I pulled over after getting out of the way of traffic and I left them a note that alluded to their parentage, intelligence, driving skills and wished them the life they deserved.Bastards.
Please remind Gary (because he’s a great guy and he needs to be around for quite a few years more) that Missouri is a Conceal-Carry state.
Big Dot – What> It eats you, like in Christine?Becs – I can still hear signourney Weaver say “Dont park by a van” in some movie. Copyhcat?.75 – I have never seen that sketch , but yet I feel I have.Surprising W – Oh, but watch it. Some people didnt see Mom’s tag, accosted her, and she attempted to hurl her arm in their faces.3 – Yeah, but Garyn is an expert at apologizing.
Go get ’em, Gary!
When I lived in FL, it seemed like every heinous crime was committed by some snaggle-toothed perv in a banged up white van. They still creep me out.Re: Handicap parking spaces, my mother – who could not stand up much less walk unaided – once pulled into a spot and in less than a minute, some old bastard was ranting at her. She pulled out her crutches and got out of the car and the guy went away. But she never drove by herself again. Bastard.
greenwords – I wonder what would have happened if Van Man had come out and confronted Gary. Neh, I dont wonder,Gary would have fled in his Little Fit.Becs – Mom often had me drive her and had me hang the handicapped tag on my car. If anyone was looking when I got out to get Moms door I would affect a limp.