Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: October 2008

  • A Little Embarrassing for Everybody

    So, Schnozzfest has signed off, and her swan song included this sentiment: “I mean, you know that no blogger with half a brain in his or her head is telling you the whole story, right? They can’t. And I don’t blame them. It would be the equivalent to an outburst about your impending divorce while…

  • Updated: Picasso Napkin

    Stories are told about h0w Picasso would pay for his restaurant meal by doodling on a napkin. He put no effort into his doodle; it only had value because he drew it. This is all to say: I went to the Ben Folds concert Thursday. Ben, it would seem, has a new creative outlook, which…

  • Crime scene outside the irony factory

    Sorry that’s so blurry. Observant people should notice the glass on the roof of the Mini, Gary standing behind a windowless and open door, and especially notice the leather jacket Gary isn’t wearing because he left it on the seat of the car.

  • The Duchess

    Tonight I saw a movie, a costume drama, The Duchess. I went with Friend 0.75. Two things you should know about 0.75: she’s short and she’s a lesbian. She’s a Shlesbian! And Jewish, so that means she’s a Schlesbian. Since it was the same night as the debate, 0.75 wasn’t successful rustling up too many…

  • Two Bullets in Defense of Reason

    The Choice Every four years I fall in love with a candidate. However, I try to love my candidate with equanimity. I know no man is perfect. That’s why every four years I look forward to viewing the Frontline episode The Choice. It presents bios of the main candidates for president, warts and all, and…

  • Perez Gary

    Lauren Conrad was presenting an Emmy. “Who the hell is she?” I asked rhetorically. Gary said, “Oh, that’s Lauren Conrad. She’s on that ‘Hills’ show. The other stars are named Heidi and Spencer and they don’t like her.” On further questioning, I found that Gary had never seen “The Hills.” He knew of Lauren and…

  • GarySpeak

    Today Gary was talking and said, “So the thing about the stock market eye am aycho, is that –” I interrupted, “Eye am aycho?” Then I got it. If I had been more on the ball I could have said, “IMHO? LOL.”

  • My Gambling Addiction

    I like to bet. Not money. I get enough financial “speculation” excitement at my job at TeddyJ. When you are married to an impossibly stubborn opinionated person, as I am, it can be enjoyable to bet them that they are wrong. Sometimes, granted, I am wrong, but that’s what makes it exciting. The “pot” that…

  • In Which Gary Has an Emergency In His Pants

    This is a second-hand account. Only Gary was there, but as you can imagine, he describes things so thoroughly and enthusiastically I feel as if I were. Gary was walking briskly through the hall at work when his blackberry rang. “Hello, this is Gary S______.” “What is your emergency?” the voice on the blackberry asked.…

  • Gary: Everything Old is New Again

    Gary, Young and Hot: Caption: Hey. I Like Your Forearms There Gary: Younger and Less Hot: Caption: Duuuude! Duuuuuuuude! Yeah, he should be glad I didn’t meet him when he was wearing Haute Brewery fashion and a beard. I would never have gone out with that guy. Plus he would have gone to prison for…