Hey! Memes Are Supposed to be Easy!

Where have I been? Recovering from the Waterslide Flu. (I’m not suggesting I caught it at a waterslide. If you had this flu, I think you know what I mean.) Well, and trying to do this meme I got from Katie, the Hardest Meme Ever.

I’m supposed to list 5 material wishes and 5 spiritual wishes. I tried, and all I could come up with were these:

5 Material Wishes

THIS was HARD! Hard when you’ve trained yourself to think that one secret to happiness
is, “Don’t Want What You Can’t Have.” This widespread belief is what caused the Nordstrom’s in Saint Louis to shut down. We don’t want to see $1,000 skirts while window-shopping; all it does is make us avoid your store.

1. Ok, after this afternoon I want a shaved ice machine. Gary got coffee at Hot Lava Java, and I got what I thought was a Sno-Cone. Back in MY day we had Sno-Cones, which was flavored hail that didn’t melt in your mouth like shaved ice. You couldn’t eat Sno-Cone ice, you could only suck out the juice until you pulled the ice pale. But I could eat this ice sans juice, all day.
2. Instead of feeling like a fourteen-year old and looking like a forty-five year old, I’d like the opposite for a while. I’ve noticed that concentrating draws my lips into a ridiculous frown. Is that material? I say it is.
3. I want them to make the Arrested Development movie. This really doesn’t count as a wish, I suppose, because they are supposedly doing it. So, I want them to release the Arrested Development movie to me, in my house, privately.
4. Hm. You know I hadn’t thought about it before, but I’d like to visit a foreign country this year. See? This is what happens when you start wishing.
5. I wish Chinese food was less disruptive to my digestion. There.

5 Spiritual Wishes

THIS was also HARD! Then I stopped thinking of them as wishes. Making
wishes: HARD. Fantasies, that’s a different story.

1. I wish the jackass I saw at the First Watch at lunch dies. Well, no, because then his long-suffering wife might be hit with debts. This man was having a two-year-old temper fit. He didn’t raise his voice, but he slammed his fist on the table, he violently OPENED his menu, he slapped it shut, he angrily hurled himself in his seat, he grabbed the Equal, he tore it open so hard it went everywhere, it went on. He was so awful I warned the waitress.
2. Oh, and since I am raining down retribution, I wish the jackass I saw an hour later at the store dies. He cussed out his kid on the phone, then yelled at his wife when she reproved him. So, death to him.
3. World Peace, already. And Billions spent on health instead. Well, except for the assholes above.
4. I wish Gary all the happiness in the world. Mainly because he’s easier on me when he’s happy.
5. To continue with the theme that seems to be developing here, I wish everybody would just chill. Universal chillage. Especially the guy at First Watch, he was a total ass.