Okay, so here’s the thing: five HUNDRED people have come by for a visit from Erin (Out of Character)’s blog. Everybody, turn and wave! Hi!
I learned my lesson the last time this happened. One day, loads of people visited from the message board for the BNL cruise I went on in January. I chose that day to post a completely inappropriate story about waxing my nether regions. They ran back to the message board, where I pursued them with stories of ovulation and a labial cyst the size of a lemon. They haven’t been back.
Because today’s post was initially about what happens when the Queen Mother listens carefully to the lyrics of “Rockin’ the Suburbs,” I’m pushing that inappropriate profanity-laced post to another day. Instead, because I’m feeling the love and pain and sympathy in your comments, let me tell you the most annoying thing Gary’s done recently.
He relates a news event or a memory, and I chime in with “Oh, yes, I remember that,” or “Oh, yes, I read that article too, and -” and he bellows “Let Me FINISH!” For example:
Gary says, “Oh, my god. That politician is just ridiculous. Did you hear what he said? It’s like that one thing I read once, when someone suggested poor women should eat their babies!”
“Yes,” I say, foolishly, “A Modest Propo–”
“No! Let me FINISH! It was this essay on slumlords in Ireland or England or something, and this guy–”
“Jonathan Swift!”
(Heavy sigh) “Nooooo, some other guy, and he said to solve the food shortage the starving women should eat their babies–”
“I KNOW. Jonathan SWIFT. A Modest PROPOSAL. It’s FAMOUS. I READ it. You. Don’t. Have. To. Explain. It.”
“Stop interrupting me!” Then, I swear to you, he relates to me every line of A Modest Proposal. As if I hadn’t read it in tenth grade. And don’t feel dissed if you haven’t read it, the point is that when someone says “Oh, I read that,” you say, “Well, then you know what I’m saying,” and move on.
Not feeling my pain? Yet another example:
Gary says, “Have you heard the latest about the pet food recall?”
I cuddle up against him, all oh-you-are-so-smart-you-listen-to-the-news, “No, what happened now?”
“Well now they’re thinking it might be related to some underhanded business dealings by the manufacturer. They think that maybe they were trying to increase -”
“The nutrition! Oh, yeah yeah, I heard that. They added some filler to increase the nutrition levels.”
Patient, long-suffering sigh. “No. NO. Let me FINISH. That’s not what I was going to say at all.”
“Oh. I’m sorry. Okay. What did they do?”
“They added some filler to increase the protein levels –”
“That is what I just said!”
“Would you let me finish?”
“But you don’t need to finish. I heard the same report!”
“Fine! so how did it end, then?”
“I think the government’s supposed to have hearings about it.”
“No. No. See, that’s just proof that you don’t listen. It’s going to be investigated by the Senate.”
I should have seen it coming. I remember the very first time my family met his family. We all sat in a circle. Everyone in my family really tried to listen, but everyone in his family was just talking in the general direction of the center of the circle. Not with the intent to communicate, really, just so they could empty those pesky thoughts out of their brains.
18 responses to “Let Me FINISH!”
Not *that* government, silly goose. He means the Senate of the Roman Empire will investigate before issuing a recommendation to Caesar.
Your husband reminds me a little of my dad. Dad was never convinced you actually heard anything he said, so he would repeat whatever it was in a slightly different way. It didn’t matter if you sat perfectly still and listened, if you nodded, if you agreed with him, if you argued — no response was the right one. He was going to repeat it a few times just to make sure. I’m the opposite. My stepdad was hard of hearing — selectively,and often to be annoying. So, I hate to repeat myself. I’m gonna say it once. Interrupt me, and I’ll stop talking. Ask me to repeat myself, and I’ll stab you with an ice pick. (Well, not really, but I’ll think about it.)
I love to start my (work) day at your blog. This is such good stuff.
Vegan Lawyer is sort of like that. She’ll check to see if you know every detail. She does manage to listen around the fifteenth question, though, and let the listener off the hook. I’m convinced this comes from years of stupid clients.
omg. He sounds just like my husband. He’ll start and I’ll say, “I read it” or “I heard it”… then he’ll proceed to try and tell it to me all over again. What’s WITH that???Oh. I got here from her site too. So what? She’s got good taste. Now I’ve linked to you so I can come here on my own. Without her help. Without being prodded. Just because. I like you! I really like you! 🙂
We have a similar problem at home, but it’s usually regarding local news (gossip) about people we do theatre and music stuff with. I’ll tell hubby a gossipy little tale, and several days later he’ll start to tell me about something he recently heard about so-and-so. I have to stop him and tell him that “I AM THE ONE WHO TOLD YOU THAT”. Then he shakes his head in wonder and says, “Really? I don’t remember that it was you.”Frustrating!
My dad is horrible about repeating himself. Too bad it’s usually bad jokes and groaner stories. My husband and I have learned to listen quietly and laugh appropriately. After all, dad usually picks up the tab at dinner. 😉
I work with a guy like Gary. Several of them in fact. I like to think I’m not like that, but I probably am.
I came upon your blog by accident & I could NOT stop reading. OR laughing. I just finished the ‘dog-mocking’ series and I laughed, OUT LOUD, AT WORK until I cried. I have previously used James Thurber’s work to lift my spirits; now I would like to use yours.I have not read anything so well-written, timely and funny in many years. Please tell me the title(s) of your most recent books.I haven’t enjoyed a laugh like that in ages. You are so TALENTED!(Once again, I am reminded of why I am SO glad I am no longer married!)
“They haven’t been back.”Ha! You haven’t scared me away. I read you here AND on the BNL board. My son does the same thing Gary does. Except he’s 10.
Friend #3 – Ah! Where we you when I needed you?Sherri – I find that I have to speak in very short, abrupt sentences to get a word in. Gary also likes to stall by saying “What” as if he hadn’t heard. I’ve found that selective hearing can resolve itself if you wait a moment and don’t repeat yourself.Autumn – Those church minutes won’t type themselves.Jammies – Are you sure she isn’t proving to you that she knows every detail? Sue – I KNOW! What is with that? Thank you for feeling my pain, Sue.KC – I know your in local theater, and I’ve been meaning to ask, do you know Melanie Dreyer or Rosemary Watts? I could gossip a little about them.Caroline – “Laugh appropriately” – Ha! I know you’re a spastic laugher. Ha haha ha.Rev_Matt – Now, you don’t have to put on the sins of all men. I’m sure you aren’t like that at all.Rsqdogsmom – Okay, I went back and tried very hard to see how how you accidentally got here. Are you a secret toe porn lover? Because I looked through all the google searches that got people here, and, well…Melissa – Your son read A Modest Proposal at TEN? Wow!
No, he does the “let me finish” thing. But you knew that.
Speaking of toe porn, could I request that Your Majesty e-mail me so I can share with you my sock porn?
Sorry. I don’t know either of the people you named. I work with St. Louis Shakespeare (NOT the festival in the park folks) and The Magic Smoking Monkey Theatre (which is as funny as it sounds). You could tell me gossip about your friends anyway…. I bet I’ll meet them sooner or later. It’s a close-knit community.
I’m not going to lie, I’m one of the 500 people who caught the shuttle bus over to get a slice of your wit.Which, despite my being way too young to even consider what the married life might be like, is hilarious, by the way. But enough people tell you that, right?My dad likes to repeat things my mom and I tell him. Like, if I tell him something I saw on the news over breakfast, he’ll tell me the same story again when I come home that day, but it’ll begin with “I heard at work today…” The worst part is that this happens EVERY SINGLE TIME I tell him anything (confirming my suspicion that no one at work talks to him).And people ask me why I don’t speak to my parents.
Jammies – you bet. KC – dang. Melanie and Rosemary manned Shattermask theater in the nineties.Summer – Hey! I saw you over at TasterSpoons! And your dad sounds special – the typical thing is to tell a guy something, and then he comes back with it as if it were entirely his own idea.
TOE PORN??!!EEEEK!I think that I, too, was on that bus from the other site.THAT’S what I meant by ‘by accident’, as in I was not looking for YOU, Queen, specifically, just reading along & followed a recommendation by another stranger who thought YOU were stranger than SHE was.And FUNNIER.Actually, you ARE funnier than almost EVERYONE else.So, this was a good side trip for me.And I’d still like to know if you have any books out there.Thanks.
Rsqdogsmom – actually, my Mormon friend rescues Cairn Terriers, so I thought you might have gotten here that way. My only books are training manuals. Not very funny, I’m afraid. Nothing like “Five toe porn pervs log in to Excel …”