Category: In Which We Mock the Queen Mother

  • In Which the Queen Mother Teaches Me About My Heritage

    In Which the Queen Mother Teaches Me About My Heritage

    Previously: I refer in the last post to my German Grandmother, Granceil DeWolfe. My Mom slaps me down in the comments: “Your grandmother is French. Gary’s people are German. Remember she sang the French national anthem to you? Would a Kraut know it? “ I respond:“Dear Queen Mother –Are you on crack? Are you a…

  • In Which we Live the Life of Our Mom

    When I was young, but still old enough to attend to myself in the hours after school but before my parents came home, Mom would come home and ask: “What did you do this afternoon?”“Nothing.”“You must have done something.”“I watched TV.”“Oh.” (pause) “I mean, what productive thing did you do today?” She got it from…

  • Mom

    Mom

    Here’s a photo of my Mom: She’s standing behind a bank of pink surprise lilies in her garden. We love the surprise lilies because they arrive early summer, they bloom, you heartlessly mow them down, and they bloom again on the week of our birthdays. Mom taught me how to garden. Even, better, she taught…

  • In Which I Am Profane

    Yes, this is the post that has the profanity. It is not my profanity. (

  • Sharp as a Tack!

    Mom proved her brilliance and superior memory today. She remembered a game/parlor trick we used to play in my youth. It was called Black Magic, and evidently I was adept at it. I can not remember a thing about it. Mom remembered the rules and sloooowly explained them to me. I kept thinking, “This must…

  • I Have a Secret! Whoops, Now I Don’t!

    So, there’s this new guy at work. Let’s call him Non-creepy New Guy. He was explaining his college career, and in the course of his college history said, “And then, when I became a Mason -” “A Mason?” I squealed in delight. “Yeah.” “Like a Secret-society-special-handshake-also-known-as-the-Illuminati MASON?” “No. The Illuminati? Are you serious?” And then…

  • Christmas Newsletters

    I don’t send Christmas cards, and after years of this anti-social behavior I don’t get Christmas cards either. I certainly don’t send out a Christmas newsletter, but I love getting them and reading them. “Our youngest, Amy, has proved to be a challenge, but we are sure she soon will find as much success in…

  • Don’t Rain On My Tirade

    So I was puttering about Queen Mom’s Northern estate today, talking about Gary, and I of course used the word “tirade.” In a sentence. As in: “Gary started off on a tirade about – ““TI-rade,” Mom said.“I said that.”“No, you said tiRADE. As if it rhymed with parade.” I remembered when Michael D_____ and I…

  • Queen Mom Falls for It

    After refusing to allow a link from my blog to hers, Queen Mother has given in. She claims she refused me a link because she thought I might be embarrassed. I didn’t tell her, but when the waitresses at Ozzie’s Sports Bar and Restaurant tried to embarrass me on me birthday I got up on…

  • Queen Mother Again Cheats Death!

    Last time I was at the Queen Mother’s residence, I wanted to turn off her printer. I no longer mess with finding the on/off switch for any appliance (she waved dismissively); I just yank the plug out of the socket. In this case, the plug was on a power strip, so that threw me. Next…