Category: In Which We Mock Our Employers

Where I work you can only wear jeans if you have paid a charity for the privilege, and then it’s just for the day that particular charity is gathering funds in the lobby. You wear the charity’s sticker to attest that you paid for the jeans privilege. I wear my sticker on my bottom, because…

Ten years ago, as a new hire, I was skimming through the company rules, and was surprised to see that if any U.S. President dies we get a day off. I told my boss. She said that the stock market closes out of respect to the President (even ones who have left office), but because…

The other day at work, five women got into the elevator, followed by one man. He had said “ladies first,” as is encouraged by the company. Seriously, gender-based elevator access was discussed in my orientation. They do it because the company wants to be polite, and genteel, and because ovaries are magic. He then said…

Last week a co-worker’s mom died, and I went to the funeral with another co-worker. Let’s call him Mr. J____. There was a reception before and the service after. I had previously polled the office to see if it was appropriate to attend the actual funeral of someone you had never met, if you knew…

My department is doing a mighty desk shuffle, and I’m one of the few people not moving. All that’s happening to me is I’m losing a bookcase and a cabinet, and someone else is moving in to share my cube. Logic says: I do not need to pack. I just have to stay put.Movers say:…

I stepped off the elevator at work and I could hear Marcia hollering about something. Stomping. Cussing. Marcia’s been counting down to January 1st, when we both hit our fifth year and earn three weeks of vacation. This morning the boss of all bosses sent an email announcing that starting in the new year, people…

At work, I’ve switched from programming in a language I know well to another, more difficult language. Today I scaled a wall. In Ninja Warrior terms, I hit the buzzer with seconds to go. Metaphorically, I spent today trying to scale the Warped Wall. See the guy hanging on to the top of the wall…

Kind of a horrifying thing happened at work this week. We are blending two departments together, and one thing that’s been instituted is a suggestion box. I saw the Change Committee team get on the elevator carrying the suggestion box. They were heading for a meeting. Here is where I have to rely on my…

A few weeks back, I was handed a United Way pledge card, scribbled $20.00 on the paycheck line and tossed it back on the coordinator’s desk. Later, emails thanking me for my generous contribution to the Arts and Entertainment Council arrived. Oops. They thanked me with two theater tickets and a viewing of our Partner’s…