Doing it wrong

Here is another story that proves the adage “Rich people talk about sex the way poor people talk about money.”

Of course, that’s a blanket statement. But I’ve certainly seen instances of it, even in my middle class life, even listening to what passes for dinner table conversation at Mom’s mid to upper middle class house (sex, abortions, incest) and some friend’s mid to lower middle class houses (paychecks, net worth, neighbor’s home listings – I KNOW! SHOCKING!)

My first experience with this disparity happened after I came in from a date in 9th grade.

“How was your date?” Mom asked.

“He gave me a weird kiss,” I answered.

“Weird how?” Mom asked, as if she didn’t know.

“He poked his tongue in my mouth. Like he stabbed me with it over and over.”

“Like a hard tongue or a soft tongue?”

“Really hard.”

Mom and I talked.

The next day I saw the young man in question.

I said, “My Mom says you’re doing the French kissing thing all wrong.”

“YOUR MOM SAYS?”

“Yes, she’s French kissed before, and she says you aren’t supposed to simulate sex with your tongue, it’s supposed to be –“

‘YOU TOLD YOUR MOM WHAT I DID WITH MY TONGUE?”

“Of course. Who else would I –“

I never got to finish that sentence — so I assume he still kisses like that –because he went on a diatribe on how gross it was that I told my Mom anything about what happened on dates with him, it was sick, what is wrong with your family, and so on. That was our last date.

I’ve watched out for families like mine (sick! perverted!) and I’ve noticed it really does seem to fall along socioeconomic lines. And if the family sex talk is open, the money talk is closed, and vice versa.

I mean, I could be wrong. Am I wrong? I don’t think I’m wrong.