Remember a few weeks ago when I woke up and forgot Mom had died? Remember, I felt I needed to call her because I couldn’t remember the last time I had called her? And then, I remembered that’s right, she died 13 years ago.
It happened again. I fell asleep with the television on, and when I woke up I thought, on no, that noise is really going to disturb Mom. I’d better turn that off. Then there was a moment of wondering why I thought Mom was at my house, certainly Gary’s snoring would bother her more, and then I remembered, oh, that’s right, Mom is dead.
This might have all begun because it turned August, Mom’s birthday month, or else my subconscious is manufacturing situations in which I am relieved about Mom’s death instead of sad. Like, a few days ago I had a dream I shaved off my right eyebrow (Mom was not involved in that caper). Then of course I woke up alarmed, went to the bathroom mirror, and felt the relief that my eyebrow was intact. Just a bad dream.
What makes it all even stranger: I rarely dream now that I don’t use an alarm to wake up. So my subconscious is being even more manipulative waking me up so I can get that hit of relief.