Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: March 2021

  • Doing the Bump

    Last December I was in vaccine phase 1B, but then in January I got bumped to 1C after they invented 1C. Then in February I realized I forgot to get an organ transplant. If I took the same immune-suppressant drugs because of an organ transplant, I would move up in line. I suppose organ transplant…

  • Weekly Paint Progress: 3/18

    This week the dog went from this: … to this: I did a little experimenting and the pitch-black seemed best. Semi-accurate, anyway. The town went from this: … to this:

  • Gary’s Birthday Present

    What does a man who has everything … like hoarder-levels of everything … what does he long for? Evidently it is a more difficult shaving experience. He came in to see what I thought of replacing his Bic razors with this contraption. I responded, “Happy birthday!” because birthday month rules apply. I also agreed because…

  • Slow Movie

    A Room With a View was released a few years after we were married. By the time we got our new VCR attached to the TV, it was too late for the tea-steeping pace of a Merchant Ivory movie, and I fell asleep before the end. Since then it has been thirty-six years. A baby…

  • Fish

    In February 2006, five months into the beginning of this blog, Catherine, of the blog So That Happened, left the very first comment. Since then she’s won Emmys and gotten engaged. Coincidence? Perhaps? Well, of course not. Here she is breaking down the mayonnaise ratio and bun pillow rating of every fast food fish sandwich,…

  • Overdue Daffodil

    I get through February waiting for the daffodils. There was a series of years when my daffodils arrived on February 28th. They line up next to a bump-out with a southern exposure. For years they greened up mid-February, and I would have the first blooms in the neighborhood. This year they stretched out in mid-February,…

  • Ultimate Brains

    The green brains arrived. And they were white. I contacted the seller and he sent out what I requested, pink brains (I went back to pink). But really, shouldn’t I carve down the soap so it fits inside the skull? Then label the skull “Soap” in some nice lettering? Next I have to find a…

  • Food as Entertainment

    I think all American office workers are in the same boat: we all gained our Covid 19 pounds because we ate and drank our feelings, and now even our business casual clothes don’t fit. I hope one of my money managers is throwing my my retirement savings into stretchy business suit stock. I have dropped…

  • Weekly Paint Progress: 3/11

    This week the dog bank went from this … …to this: The thinned black has a different shine than the dog black, so the dog looks like a cutout. Just a mess. I am going to try a technique called “oiling in” and that will be it. Or perhaps I’ll break the rules and cover…

  • Rewriting the Novel: Things I Can’t Say

    Now that the novel is in first person, I notice how modern my language is. It’s set in 1930, so I can’t have my narrator say modern things. I just had to cull “split-second” from a sentence (I used “instantly” instead). I’m questioning “orbit”. I could just say circle. But I like orbit. Questions like…