Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: November 2018

  • I Did It

    Yep, I posted every day for thirty days, like I did ten years ago. There’s a reason it was easier to post almost every day back then. I went back and read a stretch in which I went to Paris, a Guster concert, Chicago and Albuquerque, saw BNL twice and Steven Page once, visited Becs…

  • No Longer Undefeated at Trivia

    Anne assembled much of the first-place winning trivia team for a small local trivia match in Pacific, Missouri. I came in addled because the GPS had taken me on a forty-five minute long trek through every unlit windy back highway in the outer rural environs. It got to the point I laughed hysterically at every…

  • Christmas Ornament

    Our tradition of buying a Christmas ornament that encapsulates the year has run into a snag. I no longer remember what many of our existing ornaments represent. I look at the tree and think, “Hedgehogs? When did we have hedgehogs, or see hedgehogs? When was it hedgehog year?” There are many possibilities for this year’s…

  • Keens

    I have had to throw away my beloved old Keen mules. The heels wore down to tatters, after ten years, as you would expect, and I found myself slanting backward when I wore them. These were the only shoes I could walk in for an entire day free of all foot pain. The expensive REI…

  • Sandwiches

    I once heard my in-laws say, “Let’s go to McDonald’s and pick up some sandwiches.” My first thought was,”I don’t think I have ever heard them even consider eating at McDonald’s.” My second thought was, “Maybe that’s why they think McDonald’s serves sandwiches.“ The U.S. Courts and Stephen Colbert have argued what qualifies as a…

  • Luxotica Hatred

    The Luxotica eyeglasses monopoly. I hate them. I hate them as much as I love Adam Ruins Everything. I just paid three hundred dollars for them to put lenses into frames I already own. Pig Dogs. Pig. Dogs. Warby Parker next year.Or better yet, and I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before,…

  • Staycation Movies

    Well, evidently this is going to be a Moviecation: a subset of a staycation in which you go out to see several movies in one week. We haven’t been to the movies for a few weeks, ever since we saw A Star Is Born and we both hated, hated, hated it. (I loved the Judy…

  • Elderly Decor

    When I imagine an elderly person’s house, it is always cluttered. I see how that happens. Your Forties: An end table is no longer functional because you have rearranged the furniture. Still, you keep it in the living room because it never hurts to have an extra table. Besides, it matches. Your Fifties: You grow…

  • Thankful

    As always, I have a ridiculous number of things to be thankful for. My job – One of the many benefits to working where I do is that when you achieve a certain age and tenure, you can go on Cobra insurance and stay on it until you are eligible for Medicare. So, an expensive…

  • Massage

    Years ago I got a back massage, and the masseuse was disappointed to find only one knot. I understand that knots are permanently flexed muscle. The only other massage I had was when I had to go get my vagina massaged at physical therapy because it was just all jacked up. Well, it would seem…