Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: March 2016

  • Earring Overdose

    On Monday, I went out to buy a pair of gold hoop earrings. I bought a gold pair, and snatched up a silver pair on sale as I checked out. I hadn’t found any of these newfangled collar or climber earrings. “No problem,” I said, “I’ll just get some on Macy’s online.” And then the…

  • Backyard Wildlife Secrets Exposed

    It has been a long, long Birthday month here at King Gary’s castle. Most years Gary invokes Birthday Month playfully. This year Birthday Month has become an entitlement, evidently, given the way he cuts me off with a gesture and “Birthday MONTH!” Outraged tone and all. The inalienable right to Life, Liberty, and A Birthday…

  • Friday Freakout late March

    Ugh. It seems I fall into tears every single day now. Still, the trigger is always the same: someone else gets emotional, and I’m like a dry bit of brush catching fire from the superheated air. There was one episode at work that which I was able to control, but I still felt the rage…

  • Zoo Part 3: Bird

    There’s a bird in The Bird House with whom I converse whenever I visit the zoo. It is one of the Hornbills and over its beak it seems to have grown a kazoo. It is next to the toucan not quite by the door, and each time I see it I squawk. In response every…

  • Zoo Part 2: Polar Bear

    What really drew us to the zoo was the new polar bear. If you go, look for the bear at McDonnell Polar Bear Point. Not McDonnell-Douglas Polar Bear Point. Not even Boeing Polar Bear point. I can only guess that Sanford McDonnell funded the project before he died in 2012. You know how at the…

  • Zoo Part 1: Train

    Once or twice a year we visit the world-famous St. Louis zoo. Second best of all zoos, best free zoo. Of course, our visit to the free zoo cost us fifty bucks, with parking, lunch, and passage on the train. THE TRAIN I usually see the Zoo Train as the object blocking my way to…

  • It’s Baa-aack

    This car got sick the day after Thanksgiving. Three and a half months ago. We took it in – what – two weeks ago? I really can’t complain that it took two weeks to fix since we let it sit in the garage for months. Gary says it drives like a new car, and no…

  • Friday Freakout: False Hope

    Yesterday I was in the car with Gary, and I was thinking how long it had been since my hormones took over and made me into a menopausal monster. A whole week and a half! I decided if I could go a month I could consider myself cured. I was at peace. Not twenty seconds…

  • Early Morning

    For some reason I woke up at four am, just in time to hear Gary go to bed. God only knows what he does till four in the morning. Well, actually, I know what he does till four in the morning. At any rate, we decided since we were both up at four it was…

  • Bunny Throwdown

    Easter is coming. This means Gary will buy out all the Lindt bunnies at the grocery. We were at the Shop-n-Save and not only did I see Lindt bunnies slumming it there, but I also saw Ghiradelli bunnies of equal stature AND Godiva bunnies too. I pointed out there are other brands of chocolate Easter…