Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: April 2014

  • Donald Sterling

    What size is Donald Sterling’s penis based on his comments? “You’re supposed to be this delicate white or delicate Latina girl.” Implied: too fragile for a Magic Johnson sized penis. 4 inches erect “Just don’t be seen with him publicly.” (implied: these men must be bigger than me, fine, but I don’t want the world…

  • Stress

    Work stress(15 hours before our flight)I had one hour of my work day to go when I heard that a program I wrote was failing. I wrote a nasty ham handed fix and got out of there in an hour.Home stress(10 hours before our flight)I wrote out two bills, both due while we were to…

  • Damn!

  • D and C Report

    Monday night I was visited by the Menstrual Cramps of My Youth. I tried to soldier through, but then I realized I have a friend I didn’t have at age 11, a Mr. Jack Daniels. I took a shot, and even held it for thirty seconds before I projectile vomited it into the sink. I…

  • I Wish There Was a Scratch Test

    “No Versed,” I said to the nurse at the doctors office. “I don’t know if they use that drug for a D&C, but I’ll make a note of that in your chart. Be sure to tell your anesthesiologist.” A few hours later, I was speaking with the pre registration woman at the hospital. “No Versed,”…

  • Pending

    Not much has been happening. Things are pending. Pending good: I won tickets to the ballgame again, this time in the company box. Free food. Free ballgame. I like my company. Gary’s migraine is threatening him again, but he beatt it back with Baileys and a nap. The Grand Canyon and Vegas are in a…

  • Further Humiliation at the Hands Of Gary

    Gary continues to prepare himself for the most far-fetched wilderness disasters. At first he just prepped for possible doomsdays (we get lost, we get blisters, snakes bite us) to impossible doomsdays. This last web-binge netted him: A firestarter! Look Ellen, a firestarter! … because you always need to be prepared to start a fire in…

  • I Am In a Mood.

    – I woke and found that OBGYN office called to ask me to change my appointment time from 3:30 to 12:30. This is the appointment to see what was wrong with the reproductive system. – I called the OBGYN and left a message that the change was fine and I’d be there at 12:30. –…

  • In Which Spunky Labia, International Toe Porn Superstar, Dons a Toe Burka and Other Miscellany

    Toe Burka In the continuing effort to purchase All The Stuff, Gary ordered me a new hiking aid: toe gels. Gels? What showed up is not the least bit gelatinous. It’s just a nylon pouch to hide your toes. I don’t get it. Vegas Baby VegasSoooo .. Now the vacation has expanded to include one…