Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: September 2012

  • Lazy Weekend

    Lazy Saturday and Sunday. Most of the time I lounged in bed with the dog. Gary was off working or sleeping most of the time. The only useful thing I did this weekend was Scooba. At one point I let the dog off the bed while I went to the bathroom. And because I was…

  • I Lie For Victory

    The phone rang this afternoon. The talking caller id droned that it was “Out-of-Area” but for some reason I glanced at the number. Since it was from my area code, I decided to give them the courtesy of a hang-up. It saves them time, I figure, and it is satisfying to me. For some reason…

  • Quick Question

    It seems since I turned fifty I have stopped showering daily. I’ve often wondered how old people can stand to bathe only once a week, and now I can see it as a natural progression. 50s: every other day, 60s: twice a week, 70s: once a week. I don’t stink. I’ll take a whore’s bath,…

  • Bad Food

    This came up at lunch today: when you have a baby the people you know bring you food and you don’t have to cook for a month. Of course I was not aware of this tradition, never having had a baby for the casseroles. This sparked a conversation about the surprising things people consider edible…

  • My Emmys

    Best Opening Credits: I Was Impaled AhHAHAHahhaAHAHAaaaa … I’ve only seen one episode, but while I love the logo I’m afraid that of the three impalement stories only one was what I would consider an impalement. Lady with a spruce tree in your neck, yes, you were impaled. Guy who swallowed a fishing lure, okay,…

  • We Venture Into The Weather A Second Week In A Row!

    What was it; a year ago I made plans to visit the Museum of Transportation? Granted, my opinion of the Museum of Transportation was based on my 1970s field trip. In my mind, a museum was an art museum. Quiet, peaceful, indoors, elegant. The Museum of Transportation was, to begin, outdoors. There were three rows…

  • Bullets du Week

    In case you are unaware, Physical Therapy hurts. Most of it doesn’t, but it’s all a distraction from the three minutes some guy unapologetically hurts you. You wince, he stops, and then hurts you some more. I have stopped wincing because it seems to encourage him. Instead I breathe and distract myself by rubbing my…

  • Dental Horror

    A few weeks after Gary had his wisdom teeth pulled, he complained they were growing back. I was skeptical until he pulled his jaw back to show me the sweet little row of eeedie-biddie tooth nubs along his gum line. “It does look like your teeth are growing back.” “Stupid teeth! The dentist NEVER told…

  • Not a New Physical Therapy Exercise

    I’ve been keeping my fingernails short to facilitate any sudden guitar urges that hit me. I broke down for a mani pedi and it has made my self-esteem soar. Look at Spunky. She has competition.

  • Goose/Geese

    A Cooper’s hawk has been treating the in-laws to a slasher film set on their own front porch. Little birds pop their heads out of the hedge, Cooper’s Hawk eats them, Ken swings his cane at them. This has happened before, and we got them a fake goose to scare the hawk, and then the…