Let us say I had been getting tattoos since I was 15. I would not get these tattoos lightly. Each tattoo would be significant to my life. More than t-shirt or bumper-sticker significant.
Here are the tattoos I would have.
1. I would get a Maranatha tattoo at the age of 15.
“Maranatha” is an Aramaic term that means, “Come, Lord Jesus.” At 15 I was fiercely praying for the return of Christ, since it would whisk me into the heavens away from high school and bullies and my brother and parents. Mine would be as big as the one above, because I was all about Jesus. It was a significant part of my life, and I could see if I were into tattoos that would be inked right across my collarbones.
2. Then, later in high school I would get a Literary Tattoo, somewhat like this one.
I would pick Sonnet 130, though. That’s my favorite. In fact, that’s still my favorite. Why? Because I haven’t read a Shakespeare sonnet in 20 years. He hasn’t written any new ones, and I read them all in college, and I picked my favorite.
My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips’ red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask’d, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.
That, on my high school body, would have been ironic and self-deprecating. Not so much now. I haven’t “tread on the ground” for about a decade. That tat would be on my back. The final couplet would have spread to twice the size of the top.
3. We can skip the boyfriend’s names, because I don’t think I made permanent plans with any boys. Gary loves to tell how I told the priest at our pre-Cana conferences I saw this marriage lasting five years.
4. I was quite devoted to my garden the first ten years in my house. My favorite flower was the wisteria that dangled over our porch. I’d have gotten a wisteria tattoo to show my devotion to gardening.
The wisteria grew happily in our clay soil and soon swamped the front of our house. And then, it invaded our attic and grew just as lustily, albino, IN THE ATTIC. It’s still up there, dead and disconnected from the roots. The roots which to this day try to reach the attic again, though I’ve poured stump killer on them every year.
I could not find a photo of a wisteria tattoo. Gary watches that L.A.Ink show, and we’d have to have had Kat von Dee (?) make a design for me. I think that one would have gone someplace whimsical, like on my midriff. So now, there would be little wisteria trails peeking out under my boobs.
5. I did have a long history of throwing tea parties, and I have a tiny collection of teacups.
Of course, my teacup wouldn’t have teabag or a blood splatter. This cup is on the back of someone’s calf. Perhaps my other leg could have a teapot that would appear to pour when I flexed my calf.
My tea party days are dwindling – the big 25th anniversary event is morphing from a catered tea party event into a European vacation. Or as they say on South Park, ‘screw you guys, I’m going to Europe.’
=================================
I can think of a few other tattoos, too. I’m sure I’d have had a British flag from my Anglophile days, and something round circling my belly button. Oh! Intestines! Like a cut-out of intestines. And of course, a BNL tattoo, most probably the first few notes from “War on Drugs.” You know, stuff that wouldn’t make me cringe later in life.
Of course, I could still get them removed. Look at this ad.
Seriously, let’s say you never met me, you saw me naked (it could happen) 6 months after I’d had the tattoo removal above, are you saying you wouldn’t look at my skin and say, “why is there a face on your belly?”
So, you want to commemorate what’s important to you in life? Get a charm bracelet.
15 responses to “Tattoos I Have Not Had”
Hmmm… I never had you pegged as a tea-partier!
Charm bracelets bother me because they dig into my wrists (computer work all day) … I’ll stick with tattoos because nothing’s really seemed tattoo-worthy since my early 20s. 🙂
I have a lot of friends who love their ink, and I’ve contemplated it a few times. But, with my wonderful ability to not heal up from the slightest cut for months and my marvelous scarring talent, I really think it’s a bad idea.
And yes, those tats distort over time, especially if they are complicated.
I have several charm bracelets. I leave the section near the clasp unadorned so my wrist can rest on that without getting poked. One bracelet is for the places I’ve traveled. One is for life events I want to commemorate. One is for stuff I think is pretty.
Charm necklaces also work
The outside wisteria is trying to rescue its dead friend in the attic.
(I am distinctly disinterested in tattoos, though occasionally I see a fascinating one that’s just lines and dots and designs, in a very Frank Lloyd way.)
I understand expressing yourself, but I will never understand when that expression necessitates someone sticking a needle in to your skin over and over, thousands of times, for hours and hours, and then a minimum of one week’s use of Desitin.
Oh, and the results are on your skin for the rest of your life.
Yeah… no.
I’ve seen beautiful tattoos, but I’ve also seen Bombshell McGee.
Old people with tats: Sexay!
You’re taking us to Europe? Awesome!
I buy Christmas ornaments. Boring, but I doubt I’ll regret it in 50 years or have an awkward conversation about it with my OB.
Dave2- Thank you. You could have taken it the extra step to tea-bagger, but you didn’t.wyo – That’s just it. The more age you have, the more perspective you have …. and THE MORE YOU KNOW EVERYTHING IS ESSENTIALLY MEANINGLESS. That’s what I need to tattoo. My experiences with Depression. Like, I could have an empty hole tattooed over my heart.Sherri – I just have the one charm bracelet, and I need to extend it. It terrifies me to have the jeweler send it off.Magpie – It’s a Marine wisteria. Never leave a man behind!Tami – And, I know that’s the point, it’s there forever, but that’s the thing, when YOU’VE been there forever you’ll be in the nursing home in your duster explaining what “Maranatha” means. Hattie – I could not carry it off, myself. Perhaps some could.Becs – If only it were not for that damn volcano …Caroline – I didn’t peg you as someone who would get a tattoo down there, but go Caroline!
Ya know….Ok, two things.
First, play with Gary’s mind. Get a henna tattoo. You don’t need to go all Indian Traditional — lots of people use quality henna to make most any design. Depending on where on your body you get it and how fast you tend to heal (top layer skin slough/replace) it will last up to 3 weeks. If you were here, I’d do it — I have henna in the freezer. The Hubs and I used to do henna art when we were all arty and did shows and stuff.
DO NOT LET ANYONE TOUCH YOU WITH ANYTHING CALLED “HENNA BLACK” or any other “colored” henna. Henna looks turd green in the bottle, is orange after it’s dry, and turns brown as it sets. (Or, you know, you can use a brown Sharpie — if you have a really artistic friend, you can use a fine point black Sharpie to outline and fill in with colored Sharpies. Wipes off with regular isopropyl alcohol.)
Second — if you don’t care if the bracelet extension is precious metal, hit Bed, Bath, and Beyond (or any place that carries the Seen On TV Crap) and get some of those magnetic extenders. Works on bracelets, and no more fumbling with the clasps one-handed (or asking a husband to do it).
Sherri – Mom tried to get away with that once. She put a little american flag fake tat on her wrist. Oh, and I couldn’t trust magnets. If I can pull it apart by force something else could too.
The magnets have a little threaded cover that screws over them to prevent that.
http://www.asseenontv.com/prod-pages/clever_clasp.html?gid=PERSONAL
Sherri – Hmmmmmm. I tried to order some, but I got an error (Vista). I’ll look at Bed Bath & Beyond, they have an As Seen on TV section.
Great Blog Sherri…I have tried it three four times and get some error every time.. Can you please provide me some assistance regarding this..
Sherri – Stamp ring has something to say to you.