Eddie Izzard and the Sin of Envy

Saturday night I braved the cold and went out to see Eddie Izzard at the Fox. (And by “the cold,” I mean the Mini’s thermometer read -2 degrees, and by “braved” I mean I’m actually noticing my MS is affected by extreme cold. With the heat, I have to be out in the heat for hours before I get stupid and clumsy. With the cold, I have to be out for ten minutes and I am wiped out for the rest of the day. Gary insists, “Everyone gets tired when it’s cold!” Really? Melded with the bed tired? I ignored the remark because he makes me dinner when I’m that fatigued.)

I went with Friend #1 and Tammi, she of the enviously great hair. We sat in the second-to-last row, and immediately began joking with the very back row. That’s why I was tuned in to their frequency and heard one say to her friends “Blah mumble Barenaked Ladies – “

My torso whipped around. “Barenaked Ladies? WE ARE FRIENDS FOR LIFE. Talk to me!”

(Some bands just have friendly fans. Ask Friend #0.75 about Cowboy Mouth fans. They pet her and paw at her and protect her. I had to put my arm around her at once because I thought they were going to absorb her into their collective. MY Friend!)

So, of course talk turned to last year and Steven and the breakup and the Hookup and I said I was too envious of the twenty seven year old banging Steven Page to give an opinion. I’ve recently noticed that every time I feel like someone intruding in my business it’s alway because they are jealous. Jealous of the rocks that I got. It’s odd, I’ve never had anything people can envy before, I don’t know how to really deal with it. I even found myself saying pointedly to my husband and friends, “Well, it’s none of YOUR business,” when I believe that everything is everyone’s business. It’s just envious people want you to know they would deal with your business so much better than you.

After Eddie makes you wait twenty minutes while you read his Twitter feed (Spunky sent a message that was displayed on the big screen), Eddie Izzard strides on stage like a hot runway model. He has a beard, so he wasn’t in full transvestite gear, he just had on jeans and a tshirt and red silk lined glammy opera tails. He strides out, then bounces a bit, then he’s good to go.

All very funny, even from the second to last row, and at one point he started in one the ten commandments and pointed out that “Thou shalt not covet they neighbors ass” (or wife, conveniently left out) just wasn’t in the same league as the one before, “Thou shalt not kill.” And I thought, no, if we didn’t covet then people would feel free to talk about their business.

And of course I’m not talking about standard “Your hair looks great, I hate you” or the “You’re seeing Eddie Izzard? I am SO ENVIOUS!” (Big Dot. 1/9/10) It’s the combo of envy and judgement that gets me.

I know, I know, Tiger Woods. I think I’m all judgement there, no envy.