Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: July 2009

  • The Third Part of the Grocery Store Trilogy

    So, we had the grocery store shopping spree, and the ten blackberries of shame. Our latest trip to the grocery store was the fusion shopping spree. Since I’ve fallen for the fusion food, the next natural step is “Hell, I could make that.” I ran about my kitchen and considered what flavors I could fuse.…

  • Thumb 30 seconds into the first use of new knives

  • So, Here’s the Story

    It all started with this sign: Does the phrasing of these grocery signs not imply there is an assumed contract that one only gets the deal if one purchases ten packages? The sign does not say, “Each package is a dollar.” The cashier usually gathers them up so they can ring them up together, and…

  • Blackberry pie of shame

    Story later.

  • Stock up on Crocs.

    Can’t hawk a box for 30 bucks (approx.) Chalk it up to bonds and blame the stocks Tics on the clocks left for Crocs Some knock the Croc Others mock Friend 1 just talks trash of the Crocs Cause no one gawks at women’s stalks in Crocs Jocks grok Crocs They walk for blocks They…

  • Plans

    I had dinner with Friend #1, Catherine, at the Tapas place. (St. Louisans, get the Airline Chicken. Sounds bad, tastes marvelous.) We “caught up,” which was difficult for me as nothing has happened to me in the last few months since I’ve seen her. I had nothing to share. All I had was the Labia…

  • Visions of the Future

    Gary is of an age he is within reach of retirement. I like it, since both fathers died five years younger than Gary is now, but just as mid-life makes you aware of your mortality, it also makes retirement very real as well. Today, Gary was off work, and I got a taste of how…

  • Grocery Store Spending Spree

    The grocery store visit began innocently enough. Gary was in the produce aisle and asked “Carrots are too crunchy. Why don’t they make and sell steamed carrots?” “I could make you steamed carrots,” I murmured obediently. “No!” Gary cried out, “It’s too messy. It’s too messy when you cook! Oh look, here they are.” “Well,…

  • Mama Mia Review

    “Wonderful” my co-workers all said. “I loved it! I love love love that musical.” “Mama Mia was terrific! I went out and bought the DVD and the soundtrack.” Gary and I watched Mama Mia. We sat on the loveseat in silence for half an hour until Gary announced, “This is crap.” “I love musicals. I…

  • I Learned Something Today

    When Sarah, the woman on the sticker from your Lush bottle of Sonic Death Monkey Body Wash says: “Best Before 21/Apr/08” …she means it. Expired Sonic Death Monkey reeks. I tried the Monkey today because I had fond memories of its Tootsie Roll odor, and I needed a smell self-esteem boost today. A few weeks…