Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: June 2009

  • I didn’t even ask for the flower this time.

    I glanced down and there was a flower! Woman said you come in with a design they do it automatically. It’s a cycle. She would have gone multi colored but I stopped her.

  • Hung. A Review.

    We were on the couch, elbows touching (touching touching as they now always always must be), watching the pilot of Hung. Kenny Bania from Seinfeld.When you watch the pilot, and you sit around for five minutes with the TiVo paused trying to remember who is playing the guy giving the entrepreneurship seminar: it’s Bania. (Ovaltene.…

  • Artist Rules

    Once, an actress friend and I were chatting about some criminal thing one of her acting friends had done, she let me know that “artists live by different rules.” Another time I was on the train from Stratford-on-Avon to London and the theater critic for “What’s On” explained to me the reason actors so often…

  • Tapas des Deux

    I seem to be slowly piecing together my perfect weekend out of all the weekends this month. The Scooba cleaned the floors this morning, there will be a thunderstorm here in about ten minutes, and there was some Breaking News (even though someone did die). And and now I’ve had a ridiculously good dinner at…

  • In Which I Break in a New Doctor

    Today, I met a new doctor. A new doctor to do an old test: standard neuro exam for the clinical trial. Touch my nose, touch your nose, grab my fingers, walk in a straight line. Two things stood out: 1) To measure my level of spasticity, the doctor manipulated my wrists, ankles, and knees. “Not…

  • How [sic] is this guv?

    Dear Maria from Buenos Aires, Argentina: I am writing you this open letter to commiserate with you in your recent public humiliation. It must be degrading to be outed as the girlfriend of the DUMBASS who is evidently trusted to run one of our United States. Sincerely, Ellen. =========================== Everyone else: I am torn on…

  • Yet Another Reason I Love the Bass

    Guess what the first note is on the bass staff … liney …. thingee. Or roster. Clef? it doesn’t matter. The first note is A. A, baby, fucking A. Not F. Not F-G-A-B-C-D-E. A-B-C-D-E-F-G. Yet another reason everyone should learn the bass guitar first.

  • Perfect Day

    The Question of the Internet over the weekend was: “What Would You Consider a Perfect Day?” 6 am to 10 am: Little magical pixies flit through the house singing as they dust and wipe and scrub. You know, those little cleaning slave creatures. You people have them; I think you call them children. 10 am…

  • Staying Up Late, Watching the Iranians

    Neda’s name means “Voice.” Had I been in the same situation in my youth, my name meant “light bitter small fenced-in backyard.” Of course, we’ve all been in the same situation, the disputed election situation. It looks as if the Iranians are taking a page from the Florida election board: they are conceding that it…

  • It’s Like Those Photos of Women Who Have Been on Meth

    Young marrieds, if this isn’t nipped in the bud: It progresses… …and after 24 years you get this: Actually, looks like it’s time for an easier scot towel dispenser. One that doesn’t involve screwing.