I keep my mouth shut about mothers most of the time, because I’ve never had the urge to be a mother. But, on this one day, I am full up with hearing about Great Moms. Let’s talk for a minute about Crappy Moms. Just for a minute. I know, I know, I’m not a mom; I don’t know how hard it is. Similarly, I’m not an heiress but I know Paris Hilton is pretty bad at it. I’m not a singer or a reality tv star or had a sex tape or wrote an autobiography or went to jail but I know Paris Hilton is bad at those things too.
So. Moms Behaving Badly:
Moms Who Expect Their Kids to Take Care of Them Emotionally.
This is an upside-down relationship. Moms take care of kids when they are sad or discouraged, not the other way around. The thing that gets me is that the Moms who feel the physically handicapped are not equipped to have kids usually are proud to tell you that their daughter is their best friend. Get. another. best. friend. Lorelei Gilmore, don’t sit in bed and cry to your daughter about your love life. She loves you and will feel pressured to make you feel better. She’ll get you ice cream. And then she’ll crack under the pressure and fall to the ABC’s – how is it Rory Gilmore never had an anorexia, bulimia or cutting storyline? Or serious control issues later in life?
Moms Who Make Their Kids Steal For Them.
I’ve seen this happen twice. The neighbor lady wanted the pot of geraniums on the porch of an unoccupied house and bragged to me she sent her 10 year old son to get them for her. I was speechless, and she took this as tacit approval, and went on and on … until I said, “Aren’t you worried you’re teaching him to steal?” She replied, “Oh it isn’t stealing. No one lives there.” This reminded me of an incident in my youth. My Granceil was visiting Mom and coveted a concrete cherub in the garden of the unoccupied house next door. “Ellen, jump the fence and get that little statue for your granny.” I shot Mom a horrified look. Mom said, “Stop being such a goody-two-shoes and go get that for your grandmother.” So I did, of course. This might be why moms who send their kids off on thieving sprees bother me so much.
(An aside, there’s a cemetery on Graham / Hanley Road in Florissant, where Gary and I grew up. Gary tells me that every time he cut through that cemetery after playing in the very polluted Coldwater Creek, he would pick up some flowers for his mommy. You know, off of a grave. His mommy got suspicious after Gary came home with the third bouquet of flowers. I imagine his Mom chastised him strongly. She might have beaten him about the head and shoulders with his final bouquet.)
Moms Who Praise Themselves for Loving Their Children.
I’ve heard several Moms (one of whom was admittedly an Octomom) claim a good mothering award for how much they love their children. I’ve heard a particularly bad mom say, “I might be a screw-up in everything else but I’m a good Mom. I really love my children.” And again I say, doesn’t that just make you a baseline-quality human being, not a heroic mom? I know a lot of crappy moms who do nothing but love their children, and a few good moms who are so great at their jobs they can discipline their kids, stick to consistent rules, and say “No” instead of “Ooooh wook at you widda face. I could never say no to dat idda bidda widda face.”
OK. Rant over. Feel free to disagree. By this time I’m quite accustomed to saying, “I’m not a mom, so I don’t know what I’m talking about.”
20 responses to “The Anti-Mother’s Day Post”
Ah, this brings me back to the times when we were poor and on welfare and food stamps and I liked a pair of earrings at Venture. My mom “appropriated” them and later gave them to me.Funny how moms show their love even when they do the wrong thing.It’s been 17 Mother’s Days without my mom, and I still take it all in; the good and the bad. Cuz I know what the bottom line always was for her.Blood and genes don’t make a mom.I miss her. I guess I always will.
This is number 12 for me. I will say it gets easier but I’ve been blessed (depending on the day) with a stepmom so I am no longer off the hook for shelling out the big bucks. (Dinner AND a gift.)Going to Araka in Clayton tonight.It’s much harder to get “Happy Mother’s Day” cards for a stepmom too.Last year was way easy…I was out of town. I highly recommend that approach.
I saw a thing on tv recently about a mother who had been repeatedly beaten as a child and was always going to school all bruised, where people naturally became suspicious. She was claiming to be a much better mother than her own parents because her kids “don’t show a mark on ’em.” Shudder. What does this mean, exactly? You only beat them under clothing, where other people can’t see it?
Well, I can say I am a damn good Mom. And you are right above what you say here. The things that all talk about up there, all have one thing in common, Mom’s putting there needs first. Kids need a fully formed Mom. That way they can learn how to be fully formed too.hugs to you btw, on this day. I miss your mom too. After all, she had the foresight to develop Polio to better teach you how to deal with MS.THAT IS WHAT A MOM DOES!!!Happy Mother’s Day to all:)
I blame JC Hall for the fact that the constant rumble of guilt about my standards of mothering reaches a crescendo on Mothers Day when my preferred way of spending the day has been, from the beginning, to have as little contact with my kids as possible.
I love my kid enough to say no. A lot.
I , now a grandmother, celebrated Mother’s Day by sitting in the old Lazi Boy and reading, eating, and listening to music all by myself for four hours.Ahhh. Bliss.
You pegged it, especially that first one – very perceptive.
I’d add two more – the “my kid can do no wrong” moms, and the moms who drag toddlers around at 9 and 10 pm, and then get angry at the kids when they don’t go right to sleep when they occasionally find it convenient to put them to bed at 8.
I counted it up earlier this week. 27 years without a Mom. I have a Mom-in-Law, but that’s not the same in any way, really. However, I do remind The Husband to make the phone call, send the card, and I shop for the gifts.
My mom was not perfect, even in memory. But she was pretty damn good. She screwed up some (especially with caring for her own health) and, yeah, there are a few things she did I don’t understand that hurt at the time. But in over all Moms as Humans, she was scoring reasonably high.
I’m not a Mom, either, as fate worked out. But I have a good idea of what is required. I have friends with moms like those described above, and I know moms like those descriptions. Nothing is easy about being a Mom, which is one reason people shouldn’t rush into it.
I am a mom, but have never considered myself a “good” mom… I made lots of mistakes (none of which were mentioned here). I will admit I’ve made mistakes tho’, which is something my mother and mother-in-law will never ever do.I agree with you on these.
I dislike Mother’s Day, too. I especially hated it when my mother was still alive. Oh, man, all the passive-aggressive crap she put me through. “Don’t spend your money on me.” “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t have to ask what I wanted.” “Oh – you mean you got me a present?” “No, no, I’ll keep it, even if it isn’t my size.” And so on. I have darker thoughts on this, but will refrain.
Who invented Mother’s Day? I’ll bet it wasn’t a mother.
Well they had a father’s day like THREE FREAKIN’ YEARS before they had a mother’s day.bout damn time I say:)
3 – I miss my Dad like that. Genes mean squat..75 – Well now I’m all curious about Akara..gaoo – I know! Yes! People like that. Oh, and people who are proud to “only” verbally abuse their kids, instead of physically abusing the kids like they were abused.Mrs Hall – I didn’t miss Mom too much – no more than any other day, really.Big Dot – Now I’m confused. J.C. Hall – Canadian author? Did that person invent Mother’s day in your land? Caroline – You are a Good Mom, and so is Hot MomHattie – I’m afraid every day is then Mother’s Day for me, then. ~Silk – I’m afraid I’ve seen the first one in … uh … someone else’s family…Sherri – And that’s exactly why I haven’t rushed in to it. Sue – Well, unless one of your mistakes was “Blaming your children for your own greed” (it was edited out) then you haven’t committed any sin by me.Becs – Why aren’t you more screwed up? Hattie / Mrs Hall – Read this! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anna_Jarvis#BiographyShe had no kids and eventually grew to hate Mothers Day.
BITTER, PARTY OF ONE!!ANNA JARVIS-YOUR TABLE IS READY!!jebus woman, lighten up!!everything goes commercial anyway, doesn’t mean you can’t hold the special in your heart.:)
No, no, JC Hall of Hallmark! One of yours!
But Your Majesty, you have no idea (as Jeremy Irons would say) how badly messed up I am. I am only charmingly loony on my blog. In person, I am a loser nut case. And I have the prescriptions to prove it.
Mrs. Hall – She would have more perspective if she’d had kids. Big Dot – Damn! And even in the same state, practically Becs – I think I have the same prescriptions…
I’m on year 5. I actually didn’t feel the need to drink through Mother’s Day this year.As for motherhood – The simple fact that I worry about whether I am a good mom or not probably makes me a much better one than the slumhags who make their good mom pledge to the reporters every time they use their kid to shield their abusive boyfriend from a taser.
Hot Mom – I heard about the boyfriend taser thing. I wondered if the mom boards were buzzing.