Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: September 2008

  • UPDATED: Certain Death

    From someone at the local branch of the National Weather Service in Galveston, about Hurricane Ike: “ALL NEIGHBORHOODS…AND POSSIBLY ENTIRE COASTAL COMMUNITIES… WILL BE INUNDATED DURING THE PERIOD OF PEAK STORM TIDE. PERSONS NOT HEEDING EVACUATION ORDERS IN SINGLE FAMILY ONE OR TWO STORY HOMES WILL FACE CERTAIN DEATH. MANY RESIDENCES OF AVERAGE CONSTRUCTION DIRECTLY…

  • Never Forget What?

    I got up this morning and heard on the television there was to be a 9/11 special report, with reporters at Ground Zero, the Pentagon, and Shanksville, Pensylvania. “Huh,” I thought, “Why are they in Pensylvania?” Just for a second.

  • AdventureGary

    Gary came in tonight from work and said, “I passed a big house tonight on the way home.” (Gary, if you don’t know, routinely dreams at night about having a Big House. I never ever dream about Big Houses. I dream about being a fat snaggle-toothed old cougar. Hm. What could that mean?) He continued, “And…

  • It Will Be Only a Matter of Days Until Friend #3 is Slaughtered in Her Bed

    After a day of flapping and shunning the mandarin orange slices the Painted Ladies loved so much, I brought the Killer Monarchs to Friend #3’s lovely butterfly / hummingbird garden. They immediately stuck their proboscii into the butterfly bush. Nom.   They are building up their strength until they can strike.

  • Heartless Killers! Do Not Be Deceived by Their Lovely Exteriors!

    I brought the chrysalises to work today, since they became transparent overnight. The instructions said butterflies were likely to emerge between 6:30 and 11:30. With a minute of each other at 11:00 they crawled out. Then they went through every stage one minute apart: pumping up the wings, splatting out the extra color, drying out…

  • Twenty-First Century Dog

    Mac the Dog is using his effluvia to run our lives. He has had what Gary calls soft-serve poo. The vet says Mac has an infection, so now he’s on a course of anti-biotics and anti-spasmodics. That, plus Metamucil sprinkled on the food, resulted in perfect poo. For a while. We came home Friday to Blasts of Crap…

  • Tom Tom Plots Our Death

    “I love our GPS,” I said as we plugged in the Tom Tom and set off for the Go Gos concert at the Lumiere Place Casino. Those of you in Saint Louis know why I did not want to get lost downtown.  Those of you in Australia (Hi! I can see you!) or the Philippines (Magandang…

  • The Food Meme

    From Queen Jhianna (Thanks, fellow Queen!) Copy this list into your blog, including these instructions. Bold all the items you’ve eaten. Cross out any items that you would never consider eating. Show Your Ignorance: Wikipedia link to anything you had to look up. 1. Venison –stew, made by grandpa, down on the farm. It was…

  • In Which I Am Worried About The Beaver.

    This topic horrifies and disgusts even me. And I eat brains. It is so awful I am putting this all into a jump, so you’ll have to click to get the whole story. And if you have a feed reader and you see everything, then I apologize. June Cleaver says, “Run while you still can.” [WARNING:…

  • I Am Mean and Partisan