Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: August 2008

  • Doggyblogging

    And now, a word from your canine. Mac here. I’m here to let you know what’s up in this household. First of all, the hairier of the Furless Ones has been off work. It’s been a Testicle Festival here! (To be honest, I don’t know what testicles are. It must be a human thing; the…

  • Tied for the Olympic Gold Medal for Face Control

    Oh! Did you see this? How did that woman not spit? I thought she would any second. And Bela is going to defect from gymnastics or the Planet Earth or something. I don’t know who should get the highest starting score for difficulty: Alicia for holding back tears or Nastia for holding back spit.

  • Dave Louis

    Ajooja (right) won a visit from Dave (left), so Dave came to Saint  Louis. Dave is a man of mystery. How does he travel? Who does he work for? Who are his friends? What is his orientation? Where is he at any one time? If you’ve read his blog, you know none of these things. I know the answers.…

  • In Which I Use Some Unfamiliar Terms

    Forgive me for not giving a prompt update on Dave Louis, but something so remarkable happened after it was over that I must blog that first. Like Memento. Especially since I have yet to download Dave Louis photos. At Dave Louis I once again thought myself the oldest of the group. Thankfully, Carlos H________ corrected me. I…

  • Boob Usage

    My Granceil amazed me by extracting money out of her bra. “Where did that come from?” I would think. “She reached up to her shoulder that time. But usually she reaches into the middle.” (I think folding money was under the shoulder strap, change was in the cleavage.) I think women past childbearing age think their…

  • My New Olympic Hero

    Gymnasts amaze me. They have complete control of their bodies. That’s why this woman is my new hero: …because my God, did you see the incredible control she had over her face muscles? Even if I could hurtle myself backward and land on my tiptoes on a balance beam, I would never be able to…

  • Roving Eye

    Gary has always had a very open appreciation for other women. For example, we were in the CD section of Barnes and Noble. I was thumbing through the CDs and he was at the end of the aisle deafening himself on the CD-preview earphones. A staffer wandered over and asked if I need help finding…

  • Athletic Pursuits: Fencing

    The Olympics remind me how uncoordinated I am. Michael Phelps chides, “Ellen, how can you be afraid to put your face underwater?”  The Chinese Fetal Gymnasts sneer, “What do you mean, forward rolls are all you can do?” However, the U.S. fencing team nods politely at me, because I have disarmed my opponent in a…

  • Chopped Salad

    Here is the recipe for my famous chopped salad. Buy this stuff: Chop it up. It even seems like you can get Pearl Mozzarella anywhere now, but better women than I could chop up Mozzarella. And that big white thing behind the avacados is Jicama. Technically, it should all be chopped the same size as…

  • Chapter One: I Am Born

    I thought I’d told everyone the extended version of the first anecdote of my life: In Which I Am Born With an Extra Thumb. Strangely, I can’t find it out there. So here it is. =============================================== Mom, having had a child already, was all too happy to get the heavy-duty drugs when I arrived. I…