Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: February 2008

  • International Guest Blogger of Mystery

    Or, In Which We Discover That Friend #4 Is a Guest Blogger. You know how I get with secrets. Here’s a secret: Friend #4 has an issue with My Ex. (My Ex-Employer. Lets call my ex-job … Elliot. My sedate work-spouse of 17.5 years to whom I was faithful until I was wooed away by…

  • In Which We Discover Gary Is “Connected”

    Since I’ve been living at the Queen Mom’s the last few days, Gary has been at home pining for attention. So of course, who gives the best attention? HIS Mom. He went to visit his Mom in the Suburb From Whence All Moms Come (Florissant), then he dropped by to visit us at my Mom’s…

  • The New Diet, Continued

    Gary reports that he thinks we can consume cosumme on our soon-to-be vegetarian diet. Chicken broth is okay in his book. I think he believes it’s chicken sweat. He also thinks Oreos are okay. “Well, no,” I said, “The center is made of lard and sugar.” “Lard is animal fat, isn’t it? Dang.” “Yes.” “Well,…

  • What a Long Strange Day It’s Been

    2:45 am – Mom falls and can’t get up. She hits her Lifeline button. (I don’t know if she actually wailed, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.” The irony might have been knocked out of her.) The Lifeline people dispatched her next door neighbor to help her, and then called me so I was…

  • Obsession CD

    I’m going to confess something. Then you’re going to say, “Oh, yeah, I do that too,” and then I’m going to say, “Yeah, well I do that all the time,” and you’ll be all, “To what degree?” and I’ll tell you, and you’ll say, “Whoa.” Quietly and with fear. I hit the repeat button on…

  • Dangerous Words

    There are some phrases that set off my red flashing BS indicator. These phrases are: “I don’t have a bigoted bone in my body”This may or may not be followed by “but…” but it always means the same thing. It means, “I am about to say the most bigoted thing you have ever heard.” “That…

  • Kathy Griffin Review

    I love Kathy Griffin. She makes me laugh until I cry. I saw her at the Fox last night. Her shtick is mockery at its finest, mockery of the rich and officious and inflated. Plus, she strikes me as genuine. And after seeing her in person, I believe she is genuine. She really did get…

  • Okay. I Give UP

    You know your life is boring when all you have to blog about is whether or not “barely simmering” chicken broth is enough to cook the egg in egg drop soup (and NO IT IS NOT:

  • Marital advice

    Wives, if you ever want your husbands to talk incessantly, all you have to do is put on your slinky pjs and robe, lie in bed next to him and say “Let’s just lie here and cuddle.” He will twitch and vibrate and talk and throw off sparks of energy. Then the dog will jump…

  • Productivity Plummets

    Conversation while ordering Chinese Delivery for Chinese New Year lunch: Me: I want to get Special Fried Rice, but I can’t. My system doesn’t like it any more.Friend #3: What do you want then?Me: The Sweet and Sour Pork lunch special.Friend #3: White Rice or Fried Rice?Me: (sub-second pause) Fried Rice.Friend #3: You’re killing me.Me:…