Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: February 2007

  • In Which I Am Squelched

    I had a post for you today. In fact I had 6 (six!) all ready to go. It was a series. And, as it turns out, I have been gagged. Gagged for a good reason, but still gagged. So now I feel I must make up for this semi-self-censorship by telling you number Seven in…

  • In Which I Seriously Consider a New Career

    I’m checking out my site visitors. First, it appears the semester has started and many students are dipping their toes into J. D. Salinger, based on the Google searches. Seymour’s a PEDOPHILE, children. There you go. A-pluses all around. Who searched for pudenda photo? Watch that onanism. Too much onanism will make you go blind.…

  • Grrrr

    First, my Starbucks card went missing. Sometime…oh….Monday. Specifically, Monday morning. Then, my cute little purse camera went missing. (new guy) Sometime….Monday. At no time did my purse fall over. Sigh. I’m trying to think of when I might have left my purse (new guy) unattended. You know, like at work. (new guy)

  • Cooking Slump

    Cooking Slump

    I have a genetic disorder I inherited from the Queen Mother. You might call it bi-polar cooking ability affliction. In my youth, I would wake up at nine and find Mom had been cooking since six. There was black walnut coffee cake next to stacks of cookies and pancakes and popovers. This madness would afflict…

  • I Do Hope Tomorrow is Like Today

    Thanks to all of you who said I could go to a concert at 44. I thought of you when I got into line and Gary asked the woman ahead, “You’re in line for Guster, right?” She turned around and said, “Yes, but there’s an over twenty-one line on the other side of the building…

  • I Walk the Line

    I have stuffed my ever-spreading Midwestern ass into my Levis, pulled on my concert-goin’ sweater, and my fabulously well-matched concert-going shoes. I encouraged my hair to curl. I put on foundation and lipstick. I am going to the Guster concert. I plan to have fun. Screw you, music marketers, you and all your demographics. On…

  • Haikurama

    Pop culture? We got your pop culture right here. To begin, two Anna Nicole haiku: Celeb LesbianDyes her purple head red, thenComes clean on ET Why don’t they do whatWe did with Dad? Ashes splitRight down the middle Followed by two TV haiku: Pray for Colbert! IDid (for a moment). It seemsI can’t help myself.…

  • What a Bargain

    A little math for you: A one month supply of my anti-MS drug, full price: $1,600.00 (Or One THOUSAND six hundred dollars and 00 cents, to be exact.)(Per shot, thats $106.666666666666666666666666666666666667, to be exact)My insurance pays 75%! Woo hooo! Cutting the price down to a mere: $400.00 a month. Of course, I always listen to…

  • Okay, I Have No More Secrets Now

    It appears that Becs, not satisfied with this list beginning with 10 (ten! TEN!) things you don’t know about me, is looking for six weird things. 1. I had a very bad sunburn in high school, and as it healed I peeled off a 6×10 section of skin. I tacked it up on my bulletin…

  • A Shout-Out to Our Friends the Illuminati

    When I was Baptist, voluntarily trundling off to church several times a week, one of the church activities was a weekly Youth Bible Study. (Don’t be thrown by TTIH (That Tone I Have). I recommend church immersion for any young girl who is scrabbling to find some way she can control her life. It beats,…