Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: June 2006

  • The More You Gno

    I just read this pithy bit in the Gnostic Gospel of Phillip: “No one would hide a beautiful and valuable object Under a lovely cover, but often vast monies are heldin a bag worth only a penny.Consider the soul. It is a precious spirit and it camein a contemptible body.” But there are these other…

  • In Which We Almost Kill the Queen Mother

    The Queen Mother, you will be surprised to hear, contracted polio when she was 13. This was after the iron lung but before the polio vaccine. The polio affected her legs until college, and it affected her arms permanently. She has one good opposable hand on one arm and one good bendable elbow on another,…

  • Dogs and Whispers

    I don’t watch the Dog Whisperer since I followed his advice and my dog decided to ignore me. Everything I know about dogs I learned from my dogs. 1. If a dog is very concerned about you because you are prone on the bed and sobbing about your heartless husband’s treatment of you, said dog…

  • Black Hole Eats Saint Louis

    Caroline let us all know at work last week there was an hysterical movie on the Sci-Fi channel, starring Judd Hirsch, called Black Hole, in which a Black Hole consumes Saint Louis and we should watch it for the entertainment value. And she was ssssoooooo right. Watching this movie was not like watching Breaking Away…

  • Men!

    Here my husband has gone and lost 130 pounds, and I admit I wonder why. Why? I was just as happy with him tubby. I know it’s healthy, but when has he cared about that? I think perhaps he thinks that women go about undressing women with their eyes, and he was not up to…

  • Godzilla Stompyfoot

    Godzilla Stompyfoot

    Vaguely Urban has taken up sewing and displays her first seam (aw). iLLa’s comment sings the praises of the stompyfoot, and I remembered my Grandceil’s old stompyfoot (or at least, the open-toed sandal for the stompyfoot). And, more importantly, I remembered where in the basement I had stored it for just such an occasion. This…

  • Gary’s Good Dream

    Gary reported a dream, not a Big House dream but one so unusual it deserved notice: He had one of those “I’m taking an exam and I don’t know any answers” dreams, but it didn’t end with the cold sweat or the failing grade. His professor handed him back the paper and said, “I know…

  • Coitus Interruptus

    (Before you question this post’s taste or the subject matter, rest assured that as it happened Gary said “You’re going to blog this. right?” and I said “Oh I’d never blog something so intimate about you.” He said I had to do it, just with some attempt and delicacy and taste.) Saturday morning Gary, my…

  • In Which I Embarrass Myself at Dinner

    “…If I had a million dollars, We wouldn’t have to eat Kraft Dinner [spoken]But we would eat Kraft Dinner Course we would, we’d just eat more And buy really expensive ketchups with it That’s right, all the fanciest Dijon ketchup. Mmmmmm Mmm” – Barenaked Ladies, “If I Had a Million Dollars” I went out to…

  • I Become My Aunt Rosemary

    A few days ago I put on a top I bought. Gary said: “You aren’t really wearing that out.” “Why wouldn’t I wear this?” “It’s … not good.” “What’s wrong with it?” “It’s too young for you.” “No it’s not. Maybe it’s too young for you.” “Believe me. You look ridiculous.” “You are an idiot.”…