Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: June 2024

  • TWIL: Eye Exams Are Outdated

    Gary and I recently had our eye exams, and I said to him after, “Why is the eye doctor still manually flipping the lenses and asking, ‘Which is better, one, or two?’” Gary laughed, and said, “What would they do instead?” I said, “You would think they could do some kind of scan.” Then I…

  • Truth

    Gary has decided that I love my rechargeable electric flyswatter so much that I also need a battery-operated one. I read the instructions for using the Black and Decker Battery-operated Bug Zapper. (I spend much of my time at work writing instructions, so I often take the time to skim them when they are provided.…

  • Bladder Botox FAQs

    I am here to tell you all about bladder Botox in the form of Frequently Asked Questions. Does it really feel like menstrual cramps when they inject your bladder with the Botox? Hahaha, no, not at all. Menstrual cramps are much much worse. This just felt like having a needle poked into your bladder. They…

  • Weekly Paint Progress: 6/27

    Mom on a Boat, take 2, just the face in four colors. Forget about the last attempt. This is just mom’s face.

  • Rewriting the Novel: Tension

    I seriously, truly, just made a new document called “Outline.doc” because I am back to square one. Well, not really all the way back. It just became evident that tension was not building, it was starting and stalling and stopping and starting again. I made the outline to rearrange the first six chapters so her…

  • Review: Julius Caesar

    Julius Caesar! By Handel, the man who brought you the Christmas classic The Messiah and its showstopper, the Hallelujah Chorus. I will refresh your memory. “King of kings, lord of lords, and He shall reign forever and ever, Hallelujah.” How long should it take to sing those 14 words? An hour and a half? Because…

  • Pre Opera: Julius Caesar

    I ordered white linen pants to wear to the opera because it is hot in Saint Louis. I ordered them well in advance. Do you know what showed up on the porch? A mechanical abrader. The UPS man who processed the return gently mocked me for suggesting robots never make mistakes. I returned the abrader…

  • TWIL: Washer and Dryer in One.

    I saw that there are now single appliances that wash your clothes and then switch to “drying” mode and dry your clothes, oh brave new world. Or put another way, there are now single appliances that make it so you don’t open your washer and discover the mildewed clothing you never put in the dryer…

  • Money Shot

    I know I should have turned the phone sideways, but I was so astonished to actually see opossum babies, and then they crawled up on the Mom’s back, just like the books say they do. Seriously, we have waited ten years for this shot. Also it is remarkable to hear the insolent tone I take…

  • Gary’s Surprising Closet

    I recently heard Gary bustling about in his closet. I came in to find this astonishing reorganization. Ninety percent black t-shirts. The man is retired. The two non-black shirts were just recently added back to the rotation because the others were deemed contaminated with construction particulate matter.