Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: July 2022

  • Weekly … Home Construction Progress: 7/21

    I paint in the basement. This is how the corner of the basement usually looks. This is the same corner today. That pink table with the paper towels is the new, inaccessible, temporary location of my painting table. After I scooted everything to that side of the basement I hung cement-dust-mitigating plastic sheets in front…

  • Stop Asking Me

    Okay, anyone not living in a house they own is familiar with the relentless “I WILL BUY YOUR HOUSE” mail solicitiation cards. They try so hard to convince me they are from an individual who took the time to write me a note. Ridiculous. And, as I say, relentless. Here’s my question. I sold Mom’s…

  • An Unfamiliar Transaction

    I was at the McDonald’s drive-through. The cashier asked for $16. I didn’t hand her my card, I handed her a twenty, for no reason other than that wad of twenties and fives had been in my purse for three years and was going bad. I put my purse back in order and only looked…

  • Today In Science

    The nice thing about science is that it constantly changes, so even if you thought you knew a thing, wait a few years and you find you were wrong. For example, this week I was reading up on serial killer Richard Speck, as you do, and found that they have debunked the theory that men…

  • Suicide Prevention Hotline

    Much is being said about the launch of the official new emergency phone number: 988, which is specifically for people contemplating suicide. When i briefly contemplated suicide during my six-month depression, no special phone number would have done any good. The Depression in my head might have been very good at telling jokes, programming, driving…

  • Conspiracy Theories

    Twice this week I have found myself being the voice of reason. I, too, just recently watched The Staircase, and yes it is exciting to think Ivana Trump died from being pushed down a staircase, but she didn’t. She fell. Or she had a heart attack and fell, or tripped and fell, or was attacked…

  • Exchange with Gary

    Gary asked Alexa, “Alexa, how hot is it outside?” Alexa replied, “It is 93 degrees.” Gary immediately went into the little guest room where I now spend all my time. “OH MY GOD IT IS A MILLION DEGREES IN HERE HOW CAN YOU STAND IT.” “My room is perfectly comfortable.” I have had this conversation…

  • Weekly Paint Progress 7/4

    This week the Blue Heeler went from this: … to the right half of this. I don’t know. I wish I could have done the Blue Heeler with the same light hand I used on the Pit Bull. Well, there’s always the next one. No more photos. Perhaps I’ll go back to my croquet ball…

  • Hush Puppies

    Sunday night I had no energy, and I knew that all the fruits and vegetables in the house would not give me the energy I required … yet an order of hush puppies would. Hush puppies are not on the Mediterranean Diet. I had to order them through Grubhub, along with enough other fried fish…

  • Brains are Melting

    I recently noticed that the handmade brain soaps in the medical bathroom seem to sweat. They are coated with a dewy film even if no one has used them. (Eeewwww.) This led me to check if soap can expire, and yes, damnit, soap can expire. “When it comes to natural and handmade soaps, the expiration…