Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: October 2019

  • Big Box O’ Jerry

    As you may recall, my brother recently mailed me a box of our father’s ephemera. I opened up the box of Jerry’s files, and the first thing I saw was a photo of my brother and I. So cute. Who would abandon those cuties? Our photo is sitting next to folders of medical records for…

  • Science Girl Moisturizes

    So I said to the Lancome saleswoman when she popped the 7-day moisturizer samples in my bag, “You know I’m going to put this on half my face for seven days and see if it makes a difference.” “Do it!” she challenged me. This is Day 1. I’m following the rules and using the Day…

  • Gary and Reality

    Yesterday Gary dreamed he was a spy being beaten in a North Korean prison. I said, “Oh, you had the radio on,” because I imagined NPR could easily infiltrate his subconscious with some expose of Korean work camps. “I don’t listen to the radio anymore,” he said huffily, and then I realized that any alarm…

  • No, Really, My Gallbladder is Fine

    Recently I have had a perfect storm of predictive gallbladder symptoms: weight loss, high liver numbers, stabby little back pains. It’s understandable that I’d be sent to have my gallbladder checked out. My gallbladder never gave me a moment’s trouble before. I expected that the ultrasound technician would reel in amazement when faced with the…

  • Weekly Paint Progress 10/17

    Okay, I guess this is the end of the line for Gary and the Stone Face. I’ve never framed an oil painting before. I think the next painting will be decorative gourds and fruit, because no one will know if the gourds are proprtionate, much less if I have captured the character of the gourd.

  • I Must Make This Pie

    This showed up in my Facebook feed last week. The pies above are made of latex, but this article gives tips on how to make them out of actual pie. I’m making at least one before Halloween. I’ll leave it in the break room.

  • Karaoke Party

    My last mention of my work husband Tim was back in 2011, when I moaned that he was leaving TeddyJ for another job. Well evidently, you never can truly leave TeddyJ, because he returned to the fold last year. He’s in a building across town, so I don’t see him as often as I like.…

  • The Buffet

    There’s a forty-year-old tree in front of our house. The limbs scrape the roof of my car when I back out of the garage. We haven’t bothered to prune it the last few years. I began to notice a few twigs were down. Then the next week I happened to notice the driveway was littered…

  • Car Note

    Gary came home with a note someone left him. The note read: “Yes, the hippies were right! And I also lived through that era. Just read a new book called “Poisoner in Chief” – appalling what was going on by the evil genius in the CIA.” On the back of the note was a list…

  • Neurologist visit

    I visited the neurologist this week and had some questions answered that came up last time. Brain shadows: Just a lesion that’s being re-myelinated. (MS eats your nerve insulation, which is called myelin, so remyelination is when your myelin grows back.) I didn’t know remyelination was a thing that happens, but yes it is, and…