Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: February 2019

  • His / Mine / Ours

    Gary and I have always had separate bank accounts, and when he retired we re-purposed his into a 100% responsible savings account and mine into a 100% reckless spending account, and we both share both accounts. Of course, we transfer a percentage into the savings account automatically, and when extra money accumulates I shuttle it…

  • High Pressure Trivia

    Friend #3 and I were invited to a trivia match by Friend Anne and her new team at work. I went in thinking it was very nice to be invited to trivia by, essentially, a group of strangers (plus Anne). When we got there we discovered that Anne, #4, and I were there as ringers,…

  • Teacups: Done, Because I Have Run Out of Patience

    I am done (so so done) with the teacups. It is odd. The teacups seem to follow you with their eyes! No, but they do look very different depending on the lighting and the orientation. I hated it in the basement, I liked it upstairs in the kitchen, and I like it much more when…

  • Gary 2.0: The Appetites

    The other day, I read that the Mother-In-Law restaurant will soon be acquired by the Rack House restaurant, a place I’d never heard of though it’s only three miles away. I looked up their menu on-line. “Hey Gary. There’s this place by us that has chicken-Brie-bacon sandwiches and – “ “Let’s go. Let’s go now.”…

  • This Has Not Happened In Years

    At the start of this month, on Groundhog Day, this miracle happened: My Fitbit said I slept over seven and a half hours WITHOUT WAKING UP TO PEE. I don’t know how I did it, though. I ate and drank normally. It was truly miraculous. Since then I have not had more than two hours…

  • Calypso: a Review

    Usually, after I read the latest David Sedaris book, I am amused for a day or two. This last one, Calypso, gutted me for a day or two. Or, more like a week or two, since I’m still thinking about it. Calypso is the one I ordered in German. A reminder: “Tiffany … Cool. Stoned.…

  • Night Sounds

    A few days ago, Gary woke me up at four thirty in the morning. “Ellen! Ellen!” “Whaarmfmumu … ?” “Ellen! There’s something dying in our backyard.” “Whuh?” “I think one of the raccoons is wounded in the backyard and it’s dying. It’s making awful sounds right outside the window.” We went together to the back…

  • Embarassing Bezos Photos?

    So, Jeff Bezos has out-balled the National Enquirer after they threatened to publish “embarrassing” photos. Were I in the same situation, even minus the Bezos billions, I wouldn’t have given in to that blackmail either. Because they had nothing. Here are the photos the Enquirer threatened to publish: “· Mr. Bezos face selfie at what…

  • Emergency Alert

    This is what the Emergency Alert test in my area looks like: Two colors. Fixed width. Old school. Shit is going down, people, no time for graphics or kerning. That’s why I was surprised to see this on my screen when I heard the familiar sounds of the Emergency Alert system ths past week: It’s…

  • We Are Too Stupid to Have Nice Things: YET ANOTHER Ill-Advised Purchase

    We have had two ill-advised purchases lately, both from Amazon, and one successful purchase from a brick and mortar store. That’s exactly why when we ran out of printer ink we skipped Amazon and just went to Target, as we did back in the day. I carefully made a note of the printer model. I…