Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: February 2016

  • Pumpkin Spice

    I was in the break room when I saw a work associate scooping out some instant coffee. She said, “would you like some Pumpkin Spice latte coffee?” I answerd, “No thank you.” And because I felt the need to fill the silence, and because everything I say is trivia, I added, “Did you know there’s…

  • Mullet Mom

    Gary’s Mom has been pressuring him to do something unspeakable. She wants him to grow a mullet. For decades, every time the man has had his hair cut, she mourns. She sighs, “Oh … You got your hair cut … again.” Then she gushes about how she likes his hair long, and mourns the loss…

  • Friday Freakout: Bad Week

    The theme for the week has been “YES I AM YELLING, GARY, WHAT’S IT LIKE BEING MARRIED TO SOMEONE WHO YELLS?” Any time Gary complains about my yelling or whining or hysteria, I point out that I’m behaving the way he has behaved the last thirty odd years. Today, we had to drive separate cars…

  • Kettle Crack Corn

    I was so good on my diet today. Carrots, apples, and I even ended up 200 calories shy after dinner. I thought I would treat myself to a serving of kettle corn. And that I did. But then, an hour later, Gary brought the bag over and I ate the rest. 958 calories. I sadly…

  • How the Other Half Grocery Shops

    Dierbergs is the second-tier grocery store in this area. Here is the Great Chain Of Being as it Pertains to St. Louis Groceries: Straubs.The first tier, Straubs, only has one outlet, or only one that the masses know about. I have only been in it once and headed straight to the bathroom. I imagine it…

  • Friday NonFreakout

    No freakouts this week! There have been flashes of anger (always directed at Gary) and one time I started to cry, wanted to cry, and had to nurse it. NURSE it into full tears. I find this very encouraging. I’m getting better and figuring out what triggers it. (Hint: Gary. Gary triggers it.)

  • Passport

    Ten years ago I was alarmed at my decline. “What about the next passport photo?” I asked. Well. Evidently I get my bitch face on. In ten years remind me to open my eyes and control my left eyebrow, no matter how long it takes the young woman to snap the photo.

  • In Which I Frequent a Tattoo Parlor

    As you know, Gary bought me earrings for Christmas, though it’s been six years since the visit to Claire’s earring boutique to get my ears re-pierced. The visit was successful, but the healing process was so unpleasant I let the holes close up again. Evidently Gary doesn’t look closely at my earlobes, and since he…

  • Friday Feast-out

    No menopausal freakouts this week. Instead I give you this … That’s as far as I got before Gary commented that I had cooked this pork roast incorrectly! Not done! He did not care that it hit the internal temp and was resting, he claimed he cut into it and he could tell it was…

  • UPDATED: Sunflower Seeds

    Gary prides himself on being the maître d’hôtel catering to the wildlife set. Only the best birdseed. Only the finest nuts. No trendy fads like suet. While Gary’s back was out, I took over the daily animal feedings. Gary has now established multiple feedings to make up for lost time, and because it’s winter. Every…