Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: March 2014

  • Fresh air! Times Square! Oliver and Lisa Douglas visit the Grand Canyon

    As usual, Gary has taken this Grand Canyon plan and has inflated it into the Grandest, Canyoniest vacation ever. I expressed my original vacation plan to him last week. “We shall lounge about during the day, we shall look at the canyon from the windows of the shuttle bus, we shall gaze at the stars…

  • This Week in My Uterus

    I’m pretty sure what the ob-gyn is going to say when I call. I’m thinking cyst. Cysts? Cysteria? A few clues (or, self-delusions): Clue 1: on Monday, the ultrasound technician was so apologetic that I had to tell her to stop saying “I’m sorry.” She said I had my fists balled up in front of…

  • Saturday Morning Doctor’s Appointment

    The doctors appointment Saturday morning did not go as anticipated. One surprise was that in the days leading up to the appointment the issue completely changed (heh). What had been a quiet discreet Paint It Red party on the Lower Left Quadrant became a noisy Pee It Red party in the Urethral Hood. That required…

  • I Had a PARTY, Damnit!

    You know the only thing scarier than being on the doctor fast track is being on the Saturday morning appointment fast track. Biopsy and ultrasound results to come. I place my money on fibroids.

  • The Earth Tilts On Its Axis

    Gary came into the living room moments ago and announced “I just realized that it’s my Birthday Month.” I forgot. HE FORGOT. Retirement will shake your world, people.

  • The Second to Fifteenth Coming of the Holy Weeping Labia

    (For reference: Previous posts dealing with the Crotch Rot – this, this, this, this, this, this, and most recently, this.) Allow me to stick my head between my knees and speak loudly to my vulva. “You are in menopause. I am done with this drama. No one else I know has a labial flap that…

  • Frito Be … You and Me

    A month ago Frito Pie was not on my radar. Never had it, never wanted it. Then I read Gone Girl in which Frito Pie is mentioned a number of times – and now look what has popped up in my company cafeteria. There it is, peeking out from the left side of the photo.…

  • How I Spent The ice Storm

    It’s all good here, even with the ice storm overhead. We have food and entertainment and electricity. For food, we’ve been shopping, cooking, and eating. We’ve both admired the bright color pallette inside the fridge because all the fruits and veggoes are stationed up front, ready for the long tuck-in. I even made bread, so…