Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: November 2013

  • J.D. Salinger Really Wouldn’t Like Me

    … and not just because I’m over fourteen. He would have liked me at twelve. I was innocent once, and I held on to my innocence till well into sixth grade, when a mean girl suggested I was a little too old to still wear my favorite pinafore. No, he wouldn’t like me because I…

  • Happy thanksgiving!

  • Man of Steel and Other Evils

    The EVIL! that Is Man of Steel. I should have listened to everyone. You ALL said Man of Steel was an awful movie. I had hopes after I saw the first shirtless scene, but then I fell asleep midway through. I woke up convinced my house had exploded. Ninety minutes of whooshing and booming had…

  • What Gary Is Reading Now

    Gary is finally over the first phase of his retirement, his TV binge-watching period. He’s binged on Fringe, Alias, The Killing, Medium, and some Swedish thing about a reporter. Clearly, he likes strong female characters. He’s now segued to books on the iPad. Given his specific tv tastes listed above you’d think he’d download a…

  • Laissez les bons temps rouler

    Gary has been given increased decision-making power for this winter vacation. I originally wanted to see Biltmore mansion, and he countered with climbing Half-Dome in Yosemite in the snow. Then he talked himself out of that and we settled on New Orleans. I made the horrible mistake of showing him an article titled What Not…

  • The wedding ring is broken!

    AN OMEN?

  • A Freaking Week!

    It’s been a week. Nothing’s happened; I just took a break, waiting for something to happen. Right now I’m in the midst of a tornado watch and that doesn’t inspire me. I have no fear. The Law Of Averages, it protects me, even unto the 60 mph winds. I do have mental scars from the…

  • It’s the Season

    The leaves are turning, it’s almost winter, and it’s that time of year. It’s JFK Assassination time. And this year is the fiftieth assassination anniversary, so the tv shows have started two weeks early. So far this year I’ve watched Parkland, listened to the tapes of the Dallas radio station broadcast, and watched one fourth…

  • Siri’s Big Adventure

    Hello. This is Siri, the virtual assistant who lives in the iPhone of my human, Ms Cow. (I was designed to call humans by their first names, but this woman insists I address her by first, middle, and last names: You Stupid Cow. “There are three hardware stores nearby, You Stupid Cow.” It’s silly, but…

  • Periods, Poultry Curry, and Porcupines

    I learned three things in the last month. Paltry, I know. 1. Diva Cups At the MenoParty we discussed all the things our ancestors did to contain the monthly curse. Everyone’s grandma used actual rags, everyone’s Mom upgraded to the sanitary belt; ours was mostly a tampon / pad generation. Then Julie, the youngest person…