Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: May 2013

  • Bon Mot In Waiting

    Now that the news has broken that some wealthy Moms hire disabled tour guides so their kids can go to the front of the line, I can not WAIT until the MS gets me. I’ll be plunked into that wheelchair and announce, “I’M GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

  • Sad State of Affairs

    We were in the car Sunday when Gary decided to molest me. I don’t remember why. Usually he just honks my breast, which stimulates nothing but an eye roll, but this time he opted to rub vigorously at my privates. “First,” I announced, “You are an inch away from what you are aiming at. And…

  • Every Time I Get Him Out They Pull Him Back In

    Here was the conversation at the S______’s, late Mother’s Day. Ken said, “Oh, Gary, I hear they’re hiring in the IT department at Boeing” “Dad, I’m retired.” “Well, if you get –“ “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO,” I shrieked. I had to howl because it was the third time someone suggested Gary re-join the work force. I only just…

  • We Are Entertained

    Well, I just finished The Handmaids Tale and it was delicious. Gary asked me what it was about and I knew if I told him I’d ruin the first third of the book, in which she drops the exposition like little crumbs. I loved it, screamed when it “ended” right before the epilogue, and thank…

  • Tonight’s Google Search: What Happens When Workaholics Retire?

    What Happens When Workaholics Retire? Executive Summary: It’s bad. The Long Version, written specifically for us with the help of recording devices planted in our house disguised as common household ants and spiders, says the retired workaholic: Depends on excessive consumption of alcohol or prescription medication. (Neh.) Has no close friends. (Well, yeah.) Watches television…

  • And This is Why I’m Starting Early

    I asked Gary if we could discuss the vacation in Quebec, because we need to make some decisions and reservations, and I have found that if something goes South the blame is softened if the blame is shared. On the downside, I have to force Gary into decision making mode. It was as if we…

  • Gary helped cook for the week!

    Clockwise from top left: spaghetti, corn casserole, zucchini, asparagus, chicken soup, spinach quiche, white chicken chili, roast vegetables, and zucchini pizza casserole in the center. NOT PICTURED: pie. I ran out of eggs. Damn. So, obviously I am easing Gary into cooking. He chopped all vegetables and made the pasta.

  • A Long-overdue Visit to Snopes

    I saw this “rare” butterfly on Facebook. Hm. Something about that looks a little Photoshopped. Is it the pot antennae? Iffy. I followed the butterfly from Facebook to Snopes. I thought it would be airing its wings on page one of Snopes, but Snopes must not be in the butterfly de-bunking business. Instead, I found…

  • Retired man