Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: May 2011

  • The Hunt for Rarities

    In high school, I was fascinated by the Beatles Rarities Album. I understood that Sie Liebt Dich was somehow … different … than the English language version. None of the other songs seemed that unusual to my untrained ear. (A “rarity”: extra beats before “Yellow matter custard” in I Am the Walrus.) Still, I heard…

  • Jerry Lewis Leaves the Labor Day Telethon

    There are three types of people in this world: Those who avoid the Jerry Lewis Muscular Dystrophy Association Labor Day Telethon. Those who watch the Jerry Lewis Muscular Dystrophy Association Labor Day Telethon. Those who donate to the Jerry Lewis Muscular Dystrophy Association Labor Day Telethon. Well, and Jerry Lewis, who will host the Jerry…

  • Less Than One Week Until the Rapture

    How much weight can I lose in 5 days? I don’t want Jesus to see me all fat. As you probably know, a very media-savvy group is testifying that the bible states the Rapture will take place on May 21, 2011. The Rapture concept is based on half a bible verse suggesting believers will be…

  • What the HELL is this?

    Gary said, “AAAAAaaa! AAAAAAaaa! What is this? I am scared.” I’d say termite, but it’s too hard and shiny for a termite.

  • Everything You Know About Churchill Downs Is Wrong

    More precisely, everything I knew about Churchill Downs is wrong. I have watched that Kentucky Derby every year since ’73 and I have got it ALL wrong. (Including watching the Derby since ’73: I didn’t see Secretariat win the derby; I saw him win the Belmont Stakes.) Thanks to Google Earth, this is the actual…

  • I Need a Caper

    I was regaling boring Caroline today with the story of how I beat a fly to death. Fattest fly ever. Fat and loud AND on cocaine and blind, hurtling itself headlong into the walls. It followed me around like a lovesick … fly, even to the point of crawling under the bathroom door when it…

  • Dental Queries

    When I was young, the dentists came to school to teach us proper oral hygiene, in case our parents hadn’t, I suppose. (But then why wouldn’t we also have had a class on bottom-wiping? Interesting. I anticipate the toddlers of tomorrow will see a presentation on how to open toilet stall doors with their feet…

  • Celebrity Hat

    Celebrity Hat

    All the jaws will dropAnd all the girls will screamAnd there will be commotion when I show up on the scene – Barenaked Ladies, “Celebrity” The Celebrity Hat got its start in a suburb of Saint Louis, Missouri, but didn’t achieve true success until the debut at the 2011 Kentucky Derby. The Debut ==================== Moments…

  • Just Some photos

    Somehow, when I picked a few photos for the Kentucky derby flickr account, I ended up with thirty photos: with none of Gary and none of the actual race. I think Gary had a video of that. I’m sure it looks a lot like NBC’s coverage. Here’s the flickr account: There’s a tease in there…

  • The hat is resting on its laurels.

    More later. Gotta take the hat home. It had a very exciting time.