Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: December 2010

  • Bulletworthy

    CupcakePie Tami pointed me toward the Bake It In A Cake blog. DO NOT TURN FROM the terrifying beauty. A mini-pumpkin pie in a cupcake. Also: Snickers in a cupcake and candy in a cupcake. I haven’t seen any Inception Cupcakes (a candy in a mini-pie in a cupcake), but I haven’t been all through…

  • Feeding the Devil

    I was helping my mother-in-law Wilma clean up after Thanksgiving. My job was to put leftovers in Tupperware. She tutted me and said, “When I was a girl we were taught to never waste food. The nuns called it ‘Feeding the Devil.’ And look at this, look at all the food you’ve left in this…

  • It Gets A Little Better Pretty Slowly

    With all the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell tweets fluttering about, I wonder: does anyone else remember when DADT itself was a crazy liberal idea? I was proud we passed DADT. It was progress. Back then, John McCain would have cried “Repeal DADT” because the thought of secret gays in the military was worse to him…

  • The End of Spartacus

    Today I sat in my last waiting room. The clinical trial for FTY – wait, Fingol – wait, Gilenya is officially over. You would think this is when I get to pat myself on the back for bravely putting my health on the line for the good of humanity. And I would have, to an…

  • Very Dilute Suckfest

    Today is the mirror of yesterday: it began poorly and improved. Here’s a quote from Mac last night: “Bark. Bark. Bark. Bark.” Mac would then whip his head and stare pointedly at anything containing water. The toilet. The snow. Where the water dish once had been. The sink. Of course, no water before surgery. Finally…

  • Condensed Suckfest

    The day started out well. I came in to work, got a lot done, packed up and left for the afternoon Festivus party. And a fabulous party it was. Roving guitar players fabulous. Then I called Gary to check how the dog’s kidney disease blood test went, and Gary said the vet noticed a tumor…

  • A Theory, by Miss Anne Elk

    Gary came in wound up, people, off the WALL wound up. He had seen a mysterious animal walking across a road. This is the road usually frequented by the deer, but of course many deer were shot during deer season. “So it was a deer?” I asked. “No! No! It had like a mane on…

  • Cranberry Blueberry Meat Pie

    If you recall, Gary did not allow my cranberry-blueberry pie to be served at his parents’ Thanksgiving. He had eaten a smaller version of it three days earlier, and had gagged out, “What is wrong with this pie?” “Nothing.” I said. “It’s a perfectly good pie.” (Hacking.) “It TASTES like MEAT.” “No, it doesn’t, crazy…

  • Musical Resonance Imaging

    Friday was the soul-sapping day of the doctors. I don’t know why it exhausted me so. All I had to do was be observed naked (dermatology), breathe (pulmonary), lie still (MRI), and stare ahead (opthamology). Perhaps I’m shy. While I was in the MRI they gave me the noise-muffling headphones, and they turned on NPR.…

  • Points

    When I was ten, Dad lost his job, and our house moved off the Gold standard and on to the Poker Chip standard. For every chore we did, we got poker chips, and if we accumulated enough poker chips we could cash them in for rewards, like “Dad will take you for a boat ride…