Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: January 2010

  • Niece, Revisited

    The first few months of the year are packed with in-law birthdays. Usually my niece shares her birthday with my nephew, but he didn’t come (thankfully, because we would have had to ask if he’d known the underwear bomber at school). So instead she shared her birthday with Ken, my father-in-law. The day of the…

  • Do You Think I Meant Contra Matters?

    UMSL. 1982. Shakespeare’s Tragedies. Our class was discussing this exchange: Hamlet: Lady, shall I lie in your lap? (Lying down at OPHELIA’s feet)Ophelia: No, my lord.Hamlet: I mean, my head upon your lap?Ophelia: Ay, my lord.Hamlet: Do you think I meant country matters? Our lady-like professor let us in on the joke. “You know, the…

  • Sick in Bed All Day

    I. Smell. Bad. I smell like chemicals are leaching through my body fluids. The dog won’t even sleep with me. The chemicals are out of balance in every fluid system. Food is digested directly into a sugar slurry and then urped right back up. The brain fluid swishes and makes me dizzy. I slept from…

  • Habits of Successfully Sick People

    I was getting a lung test for the clinical trial, and the technician lady said, “It looks like you’re doing pretty well on this medication. You haven’t had any relapses.” “I think I’ve only had two relapses in fifteen years.” “What’s your secret?” I thought a moment. “I think I’m just not very in touch…

  • Bears Are Everywhere

    Bears fled the shelf. One hunkered down in the egg compartment of the fridge. Gary said, “Where would Ellen put the other bears? She’s lazy. I bet they’re in the freezer. And they were. They’re polar bears.” When I noticed only three bears made it back to the shelf, I nabbed those bears and hid…

  • Godka

    Remember last year: my quest to bake a perfect a decent an edible babka? Eventually I gave up. But then, CatherineG gave out delicious chocolate babkas as Christmas gifts. Impudent! I met with the other goddesses hanging out on Mt. Olympus and explained the situation. “Make her into a spider!” Athena screamed, before I even…

  • Where else could I find a man like this

    Look. He threw away the toilet paper rolls in an attractive design. Of course this is because used up all that toilet paper in one weekend.

  • The Phone Call

    Gary was just crawling into the guest bed where I was for a little cuddle when his Blackberry rang in the other room. It took so long to extract himself, crawl over me, avoid the picture frames and the dog steps that he missed the actual initial call. “It was Saint Luke’s Hospital.” he said…

  • In Which Today I Am Indirectly in the Wall Street Journal and Fortune Magazine

    WSJ:Here’s my shout out in the Wall Street Journal: The maker of the clinical trial drug I’ve been testing (FTY720) is going to file for FDA approval. I think it takes 6 months to a year for the FDA to do the final evaluation and interviews and make the decision. And supposedly during that time…

  • All These Things Are Wrong, and I Am Sorry

    So, I was talking with a friend at work who seems to share my dark sense of humor. I said I was thankful I am not a Haitian News Anchor, because if I had to wake up this morning and report, “There was ANOTHER earthquake in Haiti this morning,” I would start to laugh uncontrollably.…