Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Category: In Which We Mock Ourselves

  • Bathroom Humor

    Bathroom Humor

    So, earlier this week the last of the three bulbs in the hall bathroom burned out. Gary said, “Hey, all the bulbs are out.” Which meant, hey, change the bulbs. Well, I didn’t, because I have a secret way to illuminate the bathroom. My hall bathroom is equipped with an X-ray illuminator: My brain is…

  • Balloon No-Glow

    Balloon No-Glow

    Well, I’ve been tongue-slapping Gary for not being spontaneous, so when I said Friday night “It’s a beautiful night! Let’s go see the Forest Park Balloon Glow!” I DID NOT REALIZE EVERYONE ELSE IN SAINT LOUIS said the same thing. We started off at 6:30. Balloon Glow goes from 7 to 8:30. The traffic started…

  • My Two Cent Sales Tax at Work

    I think I might be only person alive who loves paying taxes. I think this partly because I’ve always wanted a personal shopper. The way I see it, I give the Gubment a percentage of my money and they build a firehouse two blocks from my subdivision. I see this as my own personal firehouse.…

  • Forgive Me, O Library, for I Have Sinned

    Gary and I bought another big stack of books at the Publishing Industrial Complex this past Saturday. In addition, I brought home some books I purged from the Queen Mom’s Reading Room. This has unbalanced the book/shelf-space ratio, so now there are books lying on their sides on top of other books. Hideous! Like a…

  • Compulsion

    Compulsion. A strong, usually irresistible impulse to perform an act, esp. one that is irrational or contrary to one’s will. I recently watched a fascinating MSNBC Investigative Reports called “The Obsessed” about people who have the compulsion to hoard. Evidently, hoarding is a medication-resistant form of OCD. These are the folks who die alone and…

  • I Couldn’t Have Tried Any More

    Bwahahahaaha! Victory! I just played Maggie May, and: I kept up with the recordingI strummed in timeI changed to all the chordsAll the chords sounded good except the freaking F, and that has more than a little influenced my decision to incorporate a lack of barre chords into my own distinctive sound. So, I rawk.…

  • Popovers

    Popovers

    On special days, the Queen Mother would make Popovers for breakfast. I particularly enjoyed introducing my friends to Popovers. I loved having a special food that no one else’s Mom could make. (The closest any of them came was Andrea T________, whose mother could make Beer Biscuits.) One Christmas Mom and I gave each other…

  • Letters, I Save Letters

    Letters, I Save Letters

    I think I was in sixth grade when the book “How to Eat Fried Worms” by Thomas Rockwell came out. Each of us had to write the author and say how much we liked the book. I wrote about how I had been giggling about his book in Math class with Jane Hoffman, and she…

  • Shut Up, Pretty Radio Shack Boy.

    You know how you get when you are at Radio Shack and some bright witty twenty-year salesboy is chatting you up? You know it’s his job, but it’s been so long since you spoke with a bright yet charmingly scruffy boy. You didn’t when you were in college, did you, because you were too shy…

  • Not Quite Like Brian Wilson Did

    I’ve been back at the guitar now that my thumb began to heal (push through the pain, must stay strong) and last night I practiced all 14 songs in my “set list” twice. I was patting myself on the back for making it through “Brian Wilson” with nary a mistake, not even the A7 I…