Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Category: In Which We Mock Ourselves

  • Drunk yet Distant

    The theme for this week has been “distance.” Not spatial distance, but the type of distance maiden Aunt Carleen advocated if one is a career woman. Some call it isolation. (Some suggest it’s not a great thing. I think I’ve listened to “Everything Had Changed” (finger-snapping genius) about 200 times this week.) Still, I prefer…

  • Reports of His Death Have Been Greatly Exaggerated

    This refers to 49 Up. I don’t think this merits a spoiler alert. Someone I thought was dead is NOT dead. Some point last spring, I believe, I was reading either Entertainment Weekly or People (or InStyle or Us Weekly. Or Star. (“Or Weekly World News?” you ask sarcastically.)) It was one of those mags…

  • Kiddie Food

    Some foods just take me straight back to childhood.And tonight, I ate Bugles. Off my fingertips, for that is the way Miss Manners says one should eat Bugles. The Bugles are currently hidden in the microwave, because Gary demanded he never be tempted with Bugles again. Bugles take me right back to five years old.…

  • Fridge

    Fridge

    Well, Mighty Girl is working through No One Cares What You Had For Lunch, or its alternative title, What Ellen Posts When She Hasn’t Seen Her In-Laws. Here’s my fridge door: Clockwise from Top Right Corner: Appointment cards for doctors/dentist/sprinkler appointments.Clipping for the times of the Chiluly exhibit at the Missouri Botanical Garden, reminding me…

  • In Which we are made AWARE

    I had a mammogram about a week and a half ago. At one point the chatty technician looked at the screen and said “Hmm.” I thought, “Hmm what? Hmmm, you say? I’m sorry, did I hear you say, ‘Hmm’?” But I said none of those things, because I knew she wasn’t allowed to discuss. At…

  • In Which I am Crowned

    I didn’t go to the dentist much as a child, at least not after the day the dentist slapped me because I was wriggling. (I stopped wriggling and glared at him with such venom and singlemindedness he apologized, to which I responded, “I’m telling my mother.”) So, Gary’s first order of business as a new…

  • Guilt-Edged Books

    These books are by my bed waiting to be read. No. Demanding to be read in that passive-aggressive way books have. “Oh, People Magazine tonight, I see.” “Oh, Marley and Me. Well. Sniff. At least it’s hard-bound.” So, perhaps if I make a list they’ll stop throwing THOSE ACCUSING GLANCES AT ME! Stop it! So,…

  • A Quandry

    A Quandry

    When we bought my wedding ring set, the so-called salesman said, “her fingers are so small that anything over a 15 point diamond will look vulgar.” I did not want to appear vulgar, so we went with the 1/7th of a carat diamond. It is not so small that I didn’t notice when it went…

  • Meme Du Month

    I am so behind on memes! You have all been doing this for years. Here is an old meme: TEN Random Things You May Not Know About Me:I was born with an extra thumb that was cruelly taken from me at 2 months. I’m allergic to egg whites, penicillin, and sulfa. My first act as…

  • Breasts vs Toes

    Breasts vs Toes

    When the Queen Mother took Dad as her consort, I was six. We moved into his bachelor pad. When he asked I wanted to be when I grew up, I said “I want to be a Playboy Bunny,” because he obviously revered these women. They were all over the glassware. (Dad promptly learned to hide…